Would herbels help


New member
So still new at the poly thing (getting used to sharing husband with other woman) but I do notice and I think its part anxiety? maybe little depression I am having (usually more on the nights he is with her) and I am sure its my mind over thinking (what are they doing, does he like her better, what are they talking about) things I have no right to know, but wonder if I get some herbal stuff just to calm the nerves and also help me sleep (you sleep with hubs for over 30 years its hard fall asleep without him there lol) but this heart racing, panicy feeling and what I think is probably mixture of anxiety and depressions I do not like feeling that way and just wondered if any of you had any luck with herbal or over the counter stuff that helped you stop feeling that way or at last helped calm it down. Thank you
I take Rescue Remedy for general anxiety sometimes (it's a bach flower thing). And sometimes it helps.
Valerian tablets could help you sleep.
I hope you have a poly friendly therapist to actually address the source of the anxiety as herbals are still only a crutch.
I agree with Evie. See about a poly counselor to help you in transition.


Chamomile tea.

Lavender essential oil in a carrier oil as a roll on.

And because I'm sensitive to wheat? I know eating something very wheat-y like a pizza will put me into a wheat snooze fest.

And you could see your general practice doctor to see if you need something stronger.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I was a nervous wreck when my spouse had his first few other partners, too.

I third the recommendation for seeking out a poly-friendly counsellor. There's definitely something to be said for developing a toolbox of techniques to get through tough days.

My anxiety is so much worse when I eat or drink things that contain caffeine or alcohol, especially if I have more than one serving of them. It's much more manageable when I eat whole foods and avoid added sugars/white flour. If you have the time and energy for it, you may want to consider taking note of what you eat/drink on the days he's with her and how you feel afterwards. You might find certain foods and drinks influence your mood, too. (Or maybe not! Everyone is different, of course. :) )

Daily meditation has helped my anxiety a lot as well if that's something you're interested in.

One final question to round out this reply - have you tried planning anything you really love for while he's gone? Maybe watching a movie you've been dying to rent that your partner wouldn't be interested in seeing? Or participating in any favorite hobbies of yours? Distractions can be super helpful.
Things I do that calm me are:

Playing the kind of music I like. Music, like chocolate (which isn't so good in excess!) produces calming hormones.
Doing something creative, even if it's just reorganizing the decorations in the living room/family room. But you do what you like, painting, crocheting, writing, gardening, building something, etc.
Exercise: I like walking in nature, but there are an infinite number of things to focus on, which can calm you, give you perspective, and feel like you're doing something loving for yourself. Toning your body also helps boost some people's self esteem when they're feeling the breathing of the competition monster down their neck.
Masturbating. Yes! Taking the time for a really good session can help too.
Journaling. You can start an anonymous blog here if you want. We have a section for it.