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Thanks for your thoughts, Kevin T. :)

I'd be happy to do that. He has this thing where if I don't share every conversation I'm having that I'm "violating his trust and not sharing". He has started monitoring my social media, particularly my private messaging, which is also a conversation we've been having in counselling. Our...

ITD, you're getting some awfully good advice from a bunch of people. I don't think you have a humiliation kink. I agree with those who are saying you are accepting the unacceptable. You are showing your children that no matter how badly your spouse treats you, you should suck it up. Is that...

Good advice, albeit not what I want to hear. I have been in counselling - on and off - all along, and I feel it's unfair that I have to wait longer because he's been dragging the chain. After six years of putting off my needs and begging him to help me out by working towards an open...

Yes, I totally do all his emotional management for him, because he doesn't do this thing at all. :p In fact, the counsellor identified this at the very first session. :) It's just taking some time to sink in. :) What you've written is brilliant, and I thank you most sincerely, my new bestest...

Thanks for providing the objective outside perspective I was seeking. :) I do want to save the marriage; I don't want to check out because I'm shitty. What I don't want: for him to have (what I consider to be) false hope that he can just make my feelings go away by "being enough" and fixing...

Disentangling "non-monogamy as inherent inclination" from "unmet needs" I'm a 45 years old woman, currently having spent 24 years monogamous, and desperately wanting to experience sex with other men. My husband is not at all happy about this, and we recently (a few weeks ago) began seeing a...

Well said, Spork. God forbid a woman who's reproduced express her sexuality! :rolleyes: All of a sudden, everybody gets the right to judge. It's misogynistic and it has to be called out when seen.

So stoked to hear about your "icecream evening", ITD. I think you played it perfectly and Kip fucked up royally. I also think you're right not to take too much hope from it, but well-played for that evening. Keep it up, and best wishes and lots of good energy headed your way. x

Inthedark: may I humbly and lovingly suggest that you do two things, ASAP? 1. Get clear on what you want, so that you can be assertive on what it is that you want and get in the driver's seat. Nobody is driving this bus, either you or your wife. It feels a bit like you've handed the keys to the...

It's not that I'm "determined on pursuing" it, so much as I feel that it's an inherent part of me that I'm not sure I can continue to repress indefinitely without it damaging me. I don't definitively know the answer to this question yet, and I'm seeking my own counselling, but my suspicion is...

Amen!

Inthedark: I'm beginning to get quite worried about you. I really feel compassion for you, and I think that I'd quite like you. I'm much newer to non-monogamy than you, and things aren't going perfectly in my life right now - as you'll see from reading my posts - so take my advice for what it's...

They abandoned that uniform in 2013, a most unpopular decision. :( I'm glad it was helpful. :)

I earlier gave you the advice to ask for what you do want, rather than what you don't, and I sure hope you don't think you put me in the camp of thinking you're in the wrong. I'm feeling very sorry for you. I'm not sure why you want your wife. I think she sounds like she's already checked out...

I told him about my desire for sex with other men about 6 or 7 years ago and still haven't acted on it. :eek: So, in one way, I feel like I've shown extraordinary restraint. On the other hand, he feels like he was only hearing an interest in casual sex / swinging until a few weeks ago - I...

It's just what I want. I don't feel that I neatly fill into either the poly or swinger box, or that I should have to; I am somewhere in-between. I only want a committed, loving relationship with my husband. I want a respectful, affectionate, romantic, sexual relationship with one or more other...

Yeah, I wondered if that was it, too. Yet my hubby is much more open to the idea of an MMF threesome, so ... :confused: We humans are definitely complicated creatures.

I probably make it sound more extreme than it is. He was completely OK with the sexual partners I had before him - which included one of his closest friends, who was one of the groomsmen at our wedding, so he's not *that* close-minded :) - but he's said things like "I just don't know if I could...

An interesting theory, FallenAngelina, which is definitely worth exploring. He is quite insistent that my feelings are abnormal and bordering on pathological... almost to a "methinks thou doth protest too much" extent, which makes me wonder if there's not something to your theory. ;) He's from...