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I would say be very careful about disclosure at work. It really sucks to feel some responsibility to stand as an example of NOT being everything people would automatically assume "weird poly folk" are likely doing to help move it past discrimination. BUT I just got a little taste of the...

Yeah, it's the opposite for me on the height. I'm short, so once a guy's height is beyond 6,' my interest goes down with every inch. Some guys are clumsy. The 6'4" one that fell on me made an impression. Literally. Still, most I've dated were taller, to varying degrees. I rarely meet men my...

Its not to distract yourself that I advise a hobby or subject of study. Its to enrich you as a person. To find things inside you that make you proud of who you are as a person. To remind you that this, coming to terms with poly or not, isn't the only change you have the power to enact. Also...

In this post are some examples of how that school of thought can handicap your reason. You are putting people into type slots when weighing the value of their input and deciding who can give you more useful advice, based on gender. You state you are not exposed enough to wise and "strong mature...

It might help to toss out all the alpha-beta nonsense and recognize being of a particular gender does not mean you act or think a particular way. Each of us is an individual made up of various productive and non-productive qualities. And the one invaluable quality to our species is...

Its making me think of the times one of my friends would begin dating someone new and we (their social circle) would all get a bad impression of their new interest. Some of us would ask things like "geez why are you dating such a idiot/db/loser?" only to hear: "When its just us, they are so...

What experiences have you had so far in the 2 years (well at least two going by your other post) since you and your wife began this journey? What did you experience with the other lover you mentioned that you're curious about for this new lover?

I read it three times and I don't know what you're trying to say here. I'll take a stab at guessing. Are you asking if I'm sure I heard my friend right, and am I sure he actually said a woman raped him? If that is what you're asking, then yes, I am sure I heard him right. Yes, he did say it was...

It happens more than often than you think, and for the exact same attitude you've ascribed to here, the idea that men, for being men, for having testosterone levels than men have, want to screw anything with a pulse. It is an ugly and hateful attitude, similar to the one that suggests that...

I wouldn't consider his treatment of you to be standard for how secondaries get treated. This is how he is treating you, and it isn't working for you. Whether you were a primary, secondary, tertiary or his only - no label one could attach should be reason to accept treatment that makes you feel...

How many times do a particular three people need to be told they are abrasive and unhelpful before they realize it isn't every person telling them this - its them?

Sorry to hear you're going through this. I agree it must be hard to watch the ripple effect and know there is nothing you can do about it. You can't make her have sex with him and that is going to cause a ripple that rocks your boat. It is highly possible it's a power play. It is also possible...

I wouldn't call what the OP is feeling anything close to behaving monogamously. Its a bigotry against all females because of a negative experience with some females. Its an unacceptable attitude though wonderful she can identify a what and why. I was jumped once by a group of girls with darker...

There is a book I found really helpful and I tend to not suggest it on here because it isn't geared towards poly. It was alterable, I chose to read it without thinking of other lovers as "exits". http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0805087001 I found it very helpful. Maybe you will too?

I always thought of vanilla as meaning someone with less pages to their sexual menu than others. It never implied to me a judgement of the quality of what was on the menu. I've had "vanilla" lovers with the best damn missionary in town and "kinky" lovers with missionary that should have been...

My interpretation of asshat: A hat for asses would be frivolous and of little use. I picture one of those cheeky (snort!) little hats that need an elastic band to keep on your head only its resting on someone's ass. Above your ass is the rest of your body including and most importantly, your...

No. I don't see how its worth crapping on the OP. If it is, it sure isn't for me to do on the behalf of a person I don't know, who won't speak up for themselves. Here is why: If this weren't a triad, but instead someone the husband met and began seeing on his own, the behavior of this girl...

I can see that. We've all read it. Many draw the conclusion that the girl clamming up means she isn't into the OP. She entered into a relationship with a couple, was intimate with them, but now is not interested in the OP. At the very least, should the girl not be expected to sack up and show...

A relationship between two or more people requires communication. You don't call talking to one person in a couple you tell you want to try a triad with and begin a physical relationship with having a relationship. Or are you suggesting that bi relationships are not real relationships, and...

Eh. You know, I see a lot of couple bashing when it comes to triads. It gets a little overblown now and then. I've seen plenty of supposed unicorns who talk a good talk about triads too, only to have a lasso hidden behind their backs. They aren't so much bisexual as they are, "Hehe, I've never...