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These are the parts of monogamy I find most dysfunctional. You have fear, and you're pinning it on poly, which I find to be misplaced. You had this fear to begin with (abandonment issues) and poly brought it to the surface. Going back to monogamy - will it solve the problem? I went through...

Have you asked him about their history; how they got to where they are now? He may have reason to be apprehensive due to her reactions. There may also be reasons that have nothing to do with her wishes. My own husband, I have no idea if he is dodgy with his GF as to why or not, is more cautious...

You are a possession and his fears are normal. Why can't you get that? :rolleyes:

I think the best place to start is with what seems like his abandonment issues. Whether it leads to poly or not, getting those healed is always a good and healthy idea. You don't need a poly counselor for that.

I keep saying it, but there is a commonality in men, in my experience, who can't deal in the same way you can't deal, to tend to think of sex as something they do to women and not something they do with women. Women don't do anything but receive (in their minds) and they want to be the only one...

You're struggling because your partner cheated on you and now crows about what he got out of doing so. It might come off like he is bragging about something others might feel ashamed of - hurting their partner with lies.

I don't think its a gender thing. Its a chemical thing. My husband doesn't feel the giddy intense feelings for anyone ever, only the long term attachment stuff. He can get emotional about sappy stuff; he is sentimental, but not overwhelmed in thought at the beginning of a relationship. It took...

If this woman deserved you lifting her out of her current hard times, she wouldn't be participating in this lying or at the very least, gone non communicative on you. Its your home too you know! Makes me wonder if perhaps the hard times she is in are of her own making......

I can only commiserate. I'm in the same boat only its because he wrecked his motorcycle and broke three of his limbs. So oh yeah do I know how you feel! FML :(

I don't think objectifying people is the same thing as assessing them. I think assessment is more about how we fit into the environment around us. Assessment is done by acknowledging what clues the outer appearance of an individual tells us. It requires us to assess ourselves in the process...

Online dating is hard on people, and from what I can tell, it's harder on people looking for women. I have to admit, it's like window shopping with the items only partially in view. That makes it hard to want what's being offered. Is there a larger city nearby, one with a more diverse gay...

Its the hi-fidelity effect. Often we assume our partners are off having "the best sex evar!" with others. Cruel imaginations. I think we all face this, at least at first. Something my partner and I have discovered is that newness is often hotter in theory, or initially-- the whole thing about...

If you feel your current BF is someone who would get violent to you or others over what you want, why be with him at all? That would make him someone not worth being with in any type of relationship style. He doesn't have to want what you want because this isn't a conflict with a right VS...

At 37, Jax sought out an 18-year old. At 47, he did it again. How did relationships prior to you end for Jax? Do you wonder what will happen to James in 10 years? Is this a pattern slowly becoming apparent to you? I only mention the above because while what Jax wants to do could be fabulous...

Yes, we both do. Our relationship model is found in The Hagakure on what is a good retainer. We are that for each other; serving each other when necessary or the opportunity presents itself. It doesn't have to mean sacrificing yourself. How would that benefit the other party? An example would be...

When I met my current partner, I realized he wasn't like all my previous partners, who would latch on in a monogamous deathlock, crawl up my butt and build a nest. He didn't require monogamy, as long as I didn't lie about what I was up to with others. He preferred a relationship model that...

One spouse makes a thread. The other makes a thread. Both threads tell pretty much the same thing. No real shocking reveal of important details have been omitted. But one spouse clearly isn't comfortable with the other having their own voice on the matter. What would you call that?

Do you find out the things she tells you are, through a source other than your shared sweetie, actual lies? Or do you just relay to him something she says that you find unsettling about HIM, take it to him and HE tells you its a lie? Those are two different things. One is her lying and the...

Sounds pretty par for the course for a relationship that started out monogamous. She feels rejected because you established a relationship she was comfortable with letting her guard down in and you participated in for a good amount of time. So to her it looks like you took a good long sample of...

Personally, I'm a big believer that if I couldn't maintain a healthy relationship with one partner, and I am unwilling to work on it with them, I have no business continuing to neglect that person while I start a new relationship with someone else. Under those conditions, it's pretty easy to...