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Aww, lunabunny, you don't rub me the wrong way! I just pick up on things lots of newbies don't. I've literally been poly my entire life. I'm oriented to be this way. I've never been monogamous. I couldn't not be poly anymore than I could not be gay. I just like to point out those little things...

Ahhh okay, sorry, re: the "spoken for" concept! I kind of latch on when people on here (or anywhere) seem like they are subconsciously ascribing monogamous concepts to polyamorous people and/or relationships. Thank you for the clarification! And re: how you and Boho got involved, and you became...

hey there, Seems like the situation is complicated, but you know what you want. Firstly, please get rid of the "spoken for" idea. That is a silly monogamous idea that has no place in a polyamorous relationship. If you are in a "V"/"triad" type situation, and all partners are equal, then the...

I tend to think of the poly community as a much less organized/visible sect of society, but a sect nonetheless, in the same way I think of the LGBTQIA+ community. Just like there are all kinds of practicing polyamorists, there are all kinds of queers. Because of our being a rather unconventional...

I know this idea was floated a long time ago, but as far as I know it never went anywhere. Even within the poly community, LGBTQIA+ people face unique challenges that our straight/cisgender counterparts simply don't. It's just a thought, but was wondering what folks thought of the idea.

Do You Think the Relationship is Worth Saving? That is the first question that has to be answered, I think. You sound really unhappy from your brief post here. I know that five years is a lot of time to invest in a relationship, but if it isn't working, it just isn't working. Also, it sounds...

Hey There, Firstly, I want to say that I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. I am sure you'll find some insightful help here. Just my two cents worth.. I see some things that deeply concern me. Firstly, the emotional affair. There are MANY ways - even perhaps infinite - ways to do...

That's a good point. Every connection and relationship is different. Hell, a lot of what I do/have done, others would be like no way, and vice versa. I guess it depends on what OP is willing to do/not do, and what he and his wife can work out. I just PERSONALLY would not do this. That is just...

You could ease him into it with a "Don't ask, Don't tell" type situation. It really depends on what you want your poly to look like. If you want this new man to be a part of your every day life, then my suggestion won't work...but I've been in relationships before with mono people who didn't...

NRE happens differently for everyone, of course. But IMO it just isn't fair at all for the existing partner - especially if that partner is mono - to have to make unreasonable concessions. This just seems really unreasonable. Of course, sex is something that has to be a million percent...

Wait, she gets to be with this new man, and you don't get to be with anyone at all? No way would I agree to this. Ever. You have the right to set boundaries. If it makes you feel any better, I'm working through the mono/poly thing as well right now, although I'm the poly one. It can and will be...

Thank you for this comment. After seeing my therapist, this is where I am at right now. My therapist was like, "do you REALLY want to break up, or do you want to work this out?" I realized that fear of not being able to adapt and all was driving the "I need out and I need out NOW" kind of feeling.

Thanks for the replies guys. UPDATE: I talked to my therapist. She addressed the question of "Do you REALLY want to break up, or do you want to maybe work on communication and see if it works?" After talking through an hour long session, I came to the conclusion that I want to work through the...

I would say dumping someone when they call you hysterical after getting fired kicking them while they are down, period. That's just me, though. I'm not letting her think everything is okay. When I talked to her today, I told her there was a lot we still had to work through, that I planned to...

Oh, of course I know that, especially now! Hell, we're college students lol. We're thinking about GREs and LSATS and college orgs and FAFSAs and applying for graduation and exams in the new semester and....yeah haha. There's never a "good" time. But this was seriously out of the blue. And, to...

I plan to talk to my counselor first and kind of gain some more clarity. And I plan to sit her down and talk to her, too, after some of this work stuff blows over. I plan to tell her that my concerns that we've previously discussed have not gone away, and that at some point they must be...

Okay, so I can see where you are coming from here. I was trying to speak in generalities here, but chances are nobody from there will ever see this. I was talking about the writing center. I literally take every paper I write there before turning it in, to polish it up. It's staffed by graduate...

I posted an update to the situation in a new thread. Here it is.

So, I had a long missive in this thread about dating a monogamous woman who I really like, but who is much younger, but who doesn't seem to understand polyamory, is breaching boundaries in a big way, and who I really probably should have broken up with. I had moved too fast, but life...