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That is an interesting perspective. I asked her if she had and DIY sex since the beginning of the year, she said "no". In comparison to me, I do it about every 2-3 days. So, being able to recognize that difference is helpful. I'm not sure "we" can work with that though, I mean, if I want it...

I saw the counselor yesterday. It was somewhat anti-climactic. She really wanted to meet and talk with my wife (my wife wasn't there - as expected). The counselor did hint as some of the issues you mention, GreenAcres. And to be honest, I can attest to my wife feeling acting afraid when we...

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm totally new to this site and even the idea of polyamory, so you're definitely a few steps ahead of me. So, I can't really add any polyamory advice, but I wanted to complement you on your writing style that is both clear and holds a bit of entertainment...

I'm definitely not just looking for a body to pump; the issue all along (from the very beginning) is that her interest and enthusiasm is lukewarm at best, non-existent the rest of the time. One small update: I did make an appointment and told my wife I'd like her to go. It was such a relief to...

I see your point - and if we're get into #1 and she really doesn't have a desire and is honest and open about that ... then yes, #2 and #3 are pointless. And to come full circle, is kind of why I came to the idea of polyamory. I'd rather be monogamish than throw away a good relationship and...

I first wrote it with "I/me" and felt kind of selfish, so changed it to "we/us". You are right that her no action response is hollow, she's been very very good at avoiding and delaying in this regard. And, maybe my patience and willingness to put up with it has only enabled/encouraged such...

Yes on dates, mini-vacations, no. We spend a lot of time together and talking - but it's all day-to-day mechanics kind of stuff; not feelings, expectations, romance, or sex ... at all. I've tried to bring it up many times, but get little response. That's definitely true for me, at least if...

We have two kids now 9 and 13. Our oldest had major surgery in 2012, so that wasn't good for sure, and she's taken that on her shoulders a bit more than I. But, I do laundry, cook, wash dishes along with most of the outdoor chores. I work full-time, she is a stay at home Mom plus doing an out...

Thank you all for really great insightful comments. I mentioned to my wife this morning that I'd like to get some help, that I don't think we can just mend this ourselves. She's not interested, but I'm going to schedule it anyway and if she bails, I'll just go by myself. Regarding her...

Wow ... ok, yes ... and I by no means mean to imply sex is the only thing lacking. There are other issues, but she's not perfect, I"m not perfect, I don't expect her to be. Communication is lacking, but it's not horrible. But again, we are really busy, kid stuff here and there, in-laws...

Thanks for your comments - yes, I totally understand. Our marriage is actually quite good ... just the sex part isn't. So, to be a little more specific - I'm wondering what would be a good way to bring up the idea of an open relationship? She's a pretty progressive person, but I think, like a...

I have been in a strictly monogamous relationship (for 17 years now) and it has been good (except for the sex, which started out "ok" and became non-existent over the last 10 years - after our youngest child was conceived). My wife has some health issues, but she's isn't happy with the situation...