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And when someone breaks the agreement, it means that they didn't really believe in it in the first place. When someone agrees to (or even proposes) a rule that they don't actually want to follow, it tells us something specific about the nature of communication between us. It means that, when...

If that's the case, why the rule governing his sex life? Usually rules about what someone else does with their sex life are based in insecurity. If it's no biggie then I say drop the rules and you guys just let each other live your lives. Personally I think it would serve you better to take...

This is the boss level question right here. The answer to this question for most rules like this is "I'm insecure, and I want to avoid dealing with it". If you agreed to this dumb rule, you may be compelled to eat some crow because you busted it. More importantly though, you need to be far...

Regardless of what the answer is to your detective work, the relationship you are in has red flags all over it. The moment we have so little trust and respect for someone that we are snooping around looking for "the truth"... any chance of having a healthy relationship is over. What you have is...

I figured everyone was going to just breeze right past that point. I would usually consider Ye Olden OPP/OVP to be selfish, in that it's a "what is good for the goose, is great for the goose" sort of scenario (that or it's just a sex fetish). I agree that as long as everyone is on board with...

Just going off of what you've told us, it sounds like he has expressed this to you explicitly. Is it that you still have questions and would like for him to be a little bit more specific? It's always good to ask for clarification on where someone is at, so that we can adjust our expectations...

That's some treacherous water right there. That sounds like a private conversation you ought to be having with your therapist, not with a partner who has a vested interest in your answer. For me, this is the important part of this whole situation. I know you were having some mental health...

For sure. It's probably very comforting to hear "nah baby, I only love you", but it's not an actual promise most people can follow through on. Share some intimacy, a few laughs, and *poof*, we gots feelings. I am glad that you are hesitant to try to lay down the law. It's a stance that will...

It doesn't sound like he is overly concerned about staying in contact with you, which I'm sure doesn't feel great. Is this the extent of the conversation or has he given you more information on what his actual intentions are with you? If he is willing to give it, I would hope to get a more clear...

What is your expectation of what this progress looks like? Is there an action you discussed her taking that she hasn't yet taken? Have you expressed to her clearly what your intentions are? It sounds like you might be kind of leaving it up to her at the moment. Do you know what your...

That's a question that would make a lot of sense to ask. Even if getting a prenup isn't something you are particularly concerned about, the question is powerful and the answer will be informative.

What did she say when you asked her to clarify this for you? In the US at least, marriage as an establishment comes with a cubic ton of assumptions (and some legal distinctions). That doesn't mean these social assumptions will impact you, but we live in a society that has a strong opinion...

For me it goes a step further, any relationship that requires I compromise on something I value is beneath me. I know that in traditional relationships the idea of compromise is touted as a high virtue, but I'm not interested in traditional relationships, I am interested in good relationships...

By a huge margin. This is the usually only place on the internet that I express my opinion. The rest of the space out there is just noise from one radical group or another. I might not be clear on what a "private" group would look like, and how it would make posting more anonymous. Is this...

Your wife gives you permission to go through her texts? Or you are snooping again because you don't trust her? That would be because he isn't your wife, isn't a part of your household or your life, and he hasn't agreed to follow your rules. Trust me man, you don't have a "Robert" problem...

When someone takes deceptive action, do something they said they weren't going to do or are dishonest about how they share information with us, they are making a clear statement that they were unwilling or unable to put in the work that it would have taken to "come clean." In short, they didn't...

What did Fiona say when you talked to her about your interpretation of the situation?

For most situations, I think that the idea of closure being the path to healing is a myth. Relationships change when it is time for them to change. Sometimes the thing that isn't working is eliminated and the relationship keeps going, and others the relationship is scrapped altogether. It can...

I would certainly say that is weird, as in outside the realm of normal expectation. It would be a flag to me that I need to move even slower than I usually do with this person. There is clearly some trust baggage there that they have built an interesting procedure around. That doesn't mean...

You've identified the mismatch, you've gone to what I take are great lengths to bridge the gap, and have gotten failure at every turn. Currently the thing that appears out of place is your expectation. While you have ample evidence that there is a clear mismatch in your sexual interest in each...