Hi all!
I'm very new here and to polyamory, and I feel the need to share my story with people from this community because I've been having a lot of thoughts and doubts recently which I can't share anywhere else.
Since a few weeks I've been dating a man who is polyamourous and even though it feels wonderful whenever I'm with him, doubts have already started to arise.
Before I met him, I had always been in monogamous relationships, and one thing I have always had was that, at least in the first months, I want to be with that one person more than anything. We have had talks about this and I am very much aware that there are others who also are in need of his attention. I assured him that I am fine with this and I am not the jealous kind; I'm sincerely happy when I know he is content wherever he is and whoever he is with, but lately I have started to wonder about things like boundaries and desires. What I need for myself.
I find this very tricky because I would hate to be feeling like I'm claiming him or his time, but at the same time I'm worried that, in this way, a relationship would be unsustainable because he lives like a renegade. He calls himself a polyamourous anarchist, never makes plans and never knows where he will be the next day. He currently has 6 partners, as he calls it, but he is also still continuously dating others which really rises the question for me "is enough ever enough?" And of course I completely respect his choice to do so, he is free to do as he pleases, but is it not normal to also want to invest time in someone you claim to be so in love with as he does with me? He will never be the type for a nesting partner and that has been fine with me from the get go, but I feel as if he might still be searching for something that he might never find and even though I know he does spend time with his other partners as well, it feels more and more as if he prefers living the life of a bachelor whilst having some back-up partners to fall back on rather than committing to them completely, myself included.
What am I to do with these feelings? Is my mind making it bigger than it really is? Am I allowed to ask him to spend more time with me? Should I voice my concerns? And does anyone regocnise these feelings?
I hope that someone here would find the time to talk to me about this for a bit, I am truly in love with this man and I would hate to see things going south over me seeing things that aren't there.
Thank you in advance.
I'm very new here and to polyamory, and I feel the need to share my story with people from this community because I've been having a lot of thoughts and doubts recently which I can't share anywhere else.
Since a few weeks I've been dating a man who is polyamourous and even though it feels wonderful whenever I'm with him, doubts have already started to arise.
Before I met him, I had always been in monogamous relationships, and one thing I have always had was that, at least in the first months, I want to be with that one person more than anything. We have had talks about this and I am very much aware that there are others who also are in need of his attention. I assured him that I am fine with this and I am not the jealous kind; I'm sincerely happy when I know he is content wherever he is and whoever he is with, but lately I have started to wonder about things like boundaries and desires. What I need for myself.
I find this very tricky because I would hate to be feeling like I'm claiming him or his time, but at the same time I'm worried that, in this way, a relationship would be unsustainable because he lives like a renegade. He calls himself a polyamourous anarchist, never makes plans and never knows where he will be the next day. He currently has 6 partners, as he calls it, but he is also still continuously dating others which really rises the question for me "is enough ever enough?" And of course I completely respect his choice to do so, he is free to do as he pleases, but is it not normal to also want to invest time in someone you claim to be so in love with as he does with me? He will never be the type for a nesting partner and that has been fine with me from the get go, but I feel as if he might still be searching for something that he might never find and even though I know he does spend time with his other partners as well, it feels more and more as if he prefers living the life of a bachelor whilst having some back-up partners to fall back on rather than committing to them completely, myself included.
What am I to do with these feelings? Is my mind making it bigger than it really is? Am I allowed to ask him to spend more time with me? Should I voice my concerns? And does anyone regocnise these feelings?
I hope that someone here would find the time to talk to me about this for a bit, I am truly in love with this man and I would hate to see things going south over me seeing things that aren't there.
Thank you in advance.