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Do you know what got you in this problem solver mode? It might be helpful in how to get yourself out of it. Not knowing the ins and outs of your world, the one thing that comes to my mind is to be brutally honest in recognizing and admitting that her issues (or lack thereof) are truly none of...

They are just pre-screening themselves from my perspective: "I am a random and I have some kind of problem with your tattoo" - odd stranger "Thank you for self-identifying as someone I don't want to associate with" - Me

Sure, maybe you're being a little dramatic, but what difference does it make? It doesn't take much for me to decide I don't want to spend time with someone, and their being super weird to me is more than enough. However, this comes with the biproduct of promoting isolation if you end up...

This kind of back and forth is a bad habit. I think a more reasonable approach is to move away from the balancing act, and instead just state clearly what kind of relationship structure you want. Then, she discusses what kind of relationship structure she wants. If you find that your two...

All depends on what kind of association you want to build with them. If you weren't having sex with either of them, how would you handle the situation? Are you the type of person to inject themselves into the disagreements of roommates? If so, how has that worked out in the past? Are you cool...

I might have read this wrong, but are you saying that you and R have separate bedrooms, and you aren't allowed to have sex with L in your own bed? If I read that right, I strongly suggest you stop apologizing for having sex in your own bed, and stop agreeing to dumb rules. It's a habit of...

What you are describing is the inability (or unwillingness) to set healthy boundaries. A lot of us don't come up learning how to do this and it is a corrosive element to any relationship. I've tanked countless relationships throughout my life because I hadn't yet learned how to set clear and...

Here's a version of my response to this "request": "I get that you are having an emotional response, that's pretty reasonable, but I decide how I utilize my time/body/emotions/energy. I do not ask for permission in what relationships I form, and any attempt to monitor or restrict my life in...

Relationships end or get restructured for a whole host of reasons. While it's reasonable to "fear" that a relationship might end, it's not super constructive to focus on that. Instead, focus on is investigating why we feel the way we do, fashioning healthy and reasonable boundaries, and being...

Sometimes we don't get to keep the things that we love, in the way that we are used to having them. All you can do is be honest, be kind, while making your flourishing your ultimate priority. This sounds like you two both value coddling and "not rocking the boat" over having healthy...

The answer to your question is going to depend on how you are framing success. If you are framing success as "getting laid as often as my wife," then you've got an uphill struggle and lots of frustration in front of you. If that's what you want, to bang a bunch of chicks, then the pick-up-artist...

People like what they like. While I don't personally put a ton of weight on things like vaginal snugness, breast size, and cuteness of feet, I don't begrudge people who value those things highly. Life is short, your energy will be better spent to seek out relationships that align with your...

People are built differently, and some things about how we are built can change over time. I recommend you back away from the instinct to compare the relationship you have with your spouse, to the relationship they have with someone else. The nature of your relationship is very different from...

So it isn't literally all men, it's just essentially all men, because it is so rare to find one that is decent. While I do so enjoy the battle of the sexes, it's so constructive, I think maybe there are other more actionable matters at play here that could be discussed. I personally think...

On this we agree, perhaps you should just respect his clearly expressed wishes and offer him grace in this situation. Unless you are willing to have an adult conversation with this person about his motivations, or get to know him well enough to understand him, any speculation about his...

You are entitled to feel however you feel, I just suggest that there is value to be found in examining the urge to paint someone as a villain. People have all manner of motivations for their actions, the decision to assign malice to an action precludes any chance of introspection and growth...

What should you do about this guy? It sounds like he's been clear about what his interest is going forward, so I'd say you should respect it. Personally I recommend putting your energy into examining the fact that you feel used. You say you didn't have expectations of anything "super...

I don't think it's true that you don't know what to do; you've stated the solution here clearly. It's a common and disastrous habit to cower for the sake of "not rocking the boat". Otherwise perfectly healthy people do it because of fatigue, fear of being assertive, fear of losing a...

I'm with Evie, the fact that this is an ongoing issue sounds like there are some fundamental trust issues at play. There is very little chance that you lying or being honest is going to have much impact on how this persons deep trust issues. Personally I'd say just stop catering to their...

I just couldn't agree with this more. Since I stopped doing the standard traditional thing of living in the same room, my relationships have been so much less stressful. These days I won't even consider moving into the same room with someone (unless there were some critical and unavoidable...