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Who knows, sometimes awkward and difficult events can bring people together. That certainly doesn't sound like the likely outcome here though, because people get real twitchy about sex and it would likely have hurt feelings and the communication it "opened" might not have been the kind of...

People can get overly assertive with their label guns. Personally I try to only use terms like "toxic" when it comes to things that are not only a bad idea, but most likely harmful to other people. Using TomSloan's fine example, I disagree that this is a healthy way to approach relationships...

Partner is letting you know that he and Meta are currently aligning on what they consider to be "healthy poly", and this agreement includes the reality that what you are doing doesn't align with their vision of what they consider to be healthy. Did I get it? How is it that you express your...

Building a polyamorous relationship when you’ve previously been monogamous can be tricky. Some of it is related to learning to deal with more complex logistics, but personally I find that to be irrelevant when compared to the actual struggle. The difficulty, in my mind, is that you’ll likely...

He said clearly from the start what his expectations are. At least as far as you have reported, he was up front about both his expectations and his and his future availability. He told you that you were a place-holder, and you accepted that position. From my point of view he has given you...

I'm beginning to think that you are actually just pulling our collective leg. If you want to know what someone thinks, you need to ask them. You do know that, don't you?

On this I would tend to agree, however the problem is that you are using deception to handle this issue, instead of integrity. You saying "I agree to live monogamously", then not being monogamous in secret, is deception. The fact that you don't agree with the concept of monogamy is just your...

I expect you probably do understand what others think is problematic about being deceptive, but I'll spell it out here just in case you actually don't get it. Trust is just a word we use to express that we have a sense of where a person's values lie, and how they will likely behave given most...

Why would that be an advisable course of action? Do you mean this in defense of his poor girlfriend? If that's the case I guess I could get on board; her only downfall seems to be that she is associating with these two deceptive people. I expect it could be viewed as a kindness to break up...

Immediately stop all of the cheating and lying. What you a describing is not a healthy way of relating to other people, and unless your goal is to have drama, it's not going to get you what you want. Once you have completely stopped all of the cheating and lying, do some investigation into...

I know it is easy to get into "who is to blame" mode, but I also wanted to point out that she isn't the only one who is making some destructive decisions here. This sneaking onto her phone and openly invading her privacy is something that people who respect each other simply don't do. This...

I get that you are emotionally stuck, and that you feel like you are trapped under a mountain of obligation that you have no control over. My point is that this is the exact thing you need to address. Yes, decisions have consequences. No, not all consequences are to our liking. This leaves us...

This is not the question you should be asking. "Polyamory" covers a lot of ground, and "what is poly" is a question that has lots of different perspectives depending on what people value. The question you should be asking is "am I in a healthy relationship?" and "what steps can I take to turn...

You wanting to have Jade as a "primary partner" could be considered polyamory I guess, but it depends on what you're talking about. What does that look like to you? You living a life of deception and cheating would likely not be considered polyamory by most. That would be more closely...

Does this imply a policy of "no take backs" with regard to agreements? An agreement is agreed upon by all of the parties involved. If one of the parties involved doesn't agree then all we have is the normal situation of "I want one thing, and you want something else, someone isn't getting what...

While it isn't up to you what your partner does with their therapy journey, it IS up to you what you do with YOUR therapy journey. Likewise it is not up to your partner what your therapy journey looks like, but it IS up to THEM what THEIR therapy journey looks like. It sounds like you guys...

In my opinion, individual therapy can be very helpful if the relationship with the therapist is entirely constructive and solution oriented. This can be a difficult place to arrive at because the patient doesn't always want to be constructive and they don't actually want to heal, as well as the...

You guys may have already discussed this one but I didn't find it in a search. Polylove (2019) is a short documentary currently on Amazon (free if you have a Prime membership). I watched it ready to cringe but in all honesty it was a pretty fair representation of the concept of polyamory and...

As a quick note, I want to encourage you to be specific with each other in what it is that you are open to (and what you are not open to). I get that you were being playful here with your wording, but when it comes to "taking baby steps" you will be better off by being VERY specific about what...

Most of us learn pretty shitty habits with regard to how to treat other adults, and it doesn't have anything to do with polyamory. The reason it seems like open and honest communication is key to a healthy poly dynamic is because our poor relationship skills get magnified when more people get...