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I get that her time management is irritating; people who consistently can't or won't show up when they say they are going to will prompt me to adjust my expectations of them. Once someone shows that they aren't going to do what they say they're going to do, I just make that decision for them and...

The traits of effective interpersonal communication are the same regardless of which relationship "type" it is. This is both fortunate because you don't actually need a different set of rules for each relationship and challenging because most of us learn that everything about a relationship...

One of my favorite sentiments <3 Just because we care for someone doesn't mean they are a good fit for every type of relationship, and coming to terms with that is an important step in high level adulting.

It is definitely not wrong for you to want not want your partner to ditch you at a party to go bang someone else, and it's not wrong to want them to not hit on people in front of you. At the same time, it is not wrong for them to want to hit on or hook up with whomever they want, whenever they...

I avoid hierarchy by trying not to take part in it. The "relationship escalator", a term I believe coined by the solo-polyamorous folk, is something that is insidious and I can hop on the damned thing without realizing I've done it. As Inanial said, avoiding it altogether would entail being...

He's effectively living a double life. Either come clean, and stop living a double life. Or stop being bothered by living a double life. (I'm not sure how someone would do that) Something to keep in mind about how this relationship might look in the future, is that if/when you do actually...

Is this a dom/sub power exchange kind of setup? If not, I want to point out that your posts are primarily centered on what these two people want of you. I suggest you step back from this situation, what they want, what has happened in the past, and most importantly what these other two people...

I don't speak for anyone but myself, so definitely don't take my opinion as some kind of authority on this forum. Tons of people disagree with me on fundamental level, so it would be incorrect to put my voice on some kind of pedestal. However, your point stands that I have suggested you're in...

If she would be offended by your presenting it that way, is she really the person you are hoping to get into this kind of contract with? All I'm saying is that you have what I would consider to be a hyper-pragmatic approach to this association that has very little (if anything) to do with...

The joys of monogamy. I'll pass. People really can just be the worst. I'm glad you're being smart and taking care of yourself; gotta set those boundaries and keep them sturdy!

Most semi-functional people will adjust how they treat us by the energy we give off. It may be that some don't realize you are a woman, and possibly that some read your attire/demeanor as "not interested". Either way, a win is a win.

Welcome aboard, John. Avoiding the relationship escalator I see? I hope you'll share some of your solo-poly perspective with us in the discussion forums.

You may certainly get some of that kind of interest too, the more you make your feelings known to people. When some people hear things like "non-monogamy" or "polyamory" they mainly just hear "I'll hook up with literally anyone, at literally any time". The reason is because some folks who...

It's more like negotiating a contract with an escort, which I think is a great idea. It's not like they can't still like each other or even be good friends, but when it comes to business just be clear. People do it all the time, though they frame it as "love" because the general public is...

I want to encourage you to re-frame the way you are looking at conflict. Conflict is just the word we use to describe two parties trying to come together, but there is a difference of opinion or value system that is keeping them from aligning perfectly. The goal in addressing conflict should be...

Because of how you guys are approaching this, as a business transaction, have you considered getting a mediator to negotiate for you? I'm not being funny, you guys are negotiating a contract and weighing the value you each bring to the table, so I think approaching it as a relationship might...

How is that a mixed signal? I am not sure how she could be more clear. I personally won't be regulated because someone else doesn't want to deal with their insecurities. I would consider a one-penis-policy to be a red flag, regardless of whether or not I wanted more penises. I'm sure there are...

So you want a one-penis-policy, which is fundamentally a double standard, and she doesn't want to agree to that. I wouldn't either. I don't think you should "negotiate around" this issue. This is a fundamental incompatibility and I don't get why the two of you are still hassling each other. You...

Your post reads like you are a victim of your impulses, with no ability to decide on a rational course. I suggest you reframe this issue. Currently it's framed as a polyamory/monogamy problem, but I think you are just having a maturity problem. There's no shame in lacking maturity, but it...

I don't think that the magic happens once the 3rd or 4th person gets into the mix. For me, the magic of how I approach relationships is in allowing each one to be exactly what it is, and to learn to be fearless in disregarding tradition to find a place of flourishing. My recommendation to stop...