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Whose idea was it to go to marriage counseling? It sounds like it was your hope that the cheating/affair would be admitted, or that the root cause would come out. The cornerstones of any intimate relationship are trust and honesty (and that goes triple for polyamorous or ENM-type...

Hi and welcome to the forum. How long have you been in counseling? I’d strongly argue that you’re probably wasting your money, because your wife is having some sort of an affair. She's not an honest broker in fixing the relationship issue. Are you remotely interested in opening your...

Hi, Calistic. Welcome to the forum. In that year, did she or you do any kind of research/reading as to what you’d be getting into? Exactly how long had she been dating before she was doing overnights? Are you describing the rotation as being 2 nights at home, 1 with lover, 2 nights at home, 1...

How can you not take this personally? This is your life, your relationship/marriage, that has major consequences across the entire family. Maybe you haven’t taken it personally enough. She doesn’t see or feel that there might be consequences. Say something or do something, and cross the line...

It sounds like you’re describing their cuck situation, and also the “we as a couple" side of your marriage and family, not YOU being completely good with the new dynamic. To me, this all vaguely contradicts itself. It bothered you, but it actually sounded like quite good fun. Not your thing...

Sorry, but what was missing from the non-sexual romantic relationship? And if it’s such a major deal, how does one be heartbroken over it? Generally speaking, for me, if it was big enough to break up over, and I was doing the breaking up, it was usually relief and maybe some sadness. Have...

Wait til she finds out how much work and how expensive fantasy land is to live in long term. Gravity and reality is a bitch.

Are you suggesting she’s making this sort of a back-door tactic, so he’ll leave her, so to speak? Her hands are somewhat clean? "I suggested something and he couldn’t handle it, i.e., he’s got jealousy issues, and as a result we’re getting a divorce"? It’s her soft exit strategy?

I wouldn’t say jealousy is either, at its core. I'd say it’s an early warning system installed by the creator to help guide you in being happy. At its best, it helps you learn the value of things, whether it’s stuff or relationships. At its worst, it drives you into destructive behaviors...

What is your relationship with your ex-spouse? Will coming out to the children filter back to the whole extended family? Depending on the gender and maturity of the 9-yr old, you may think you’re excluding the sexual side of that, but if that’s true, it’s going to be a really small window, and...

Could you give an example of the boundaries you and bf have that aren’t right for the other 2? I get the swinger history here, and the protection of original relationships is the natural default wiring, but has anyone read or come across the “poly theory“ of the old marriages are dead, and...

Does your wife have a history of blurting our thoughts or feelings and then having to do clean up later? Does she also have a history of playing Russian roulette with the marriage, or intentionally trying to hurt you? Like, holy fuck, I’m not seeing the end game on that one. She clearly feels...

Care to share those proposals? I see this as mostly inside work, and/or maybe scheduling. Are there people in the swinging community or poly community that you all know that have ridden off in the sunset with their new partners? Or, I guess, marriages have broken apart because of the stress of...

I 100% agree she was forced into it. I don’t think I would, because having more information, or being able to see the full picture allows him/bf (or anyone) to make informed decisions. One could argue if the purpose and intent of this weekend/being walled off from our other partners was to...

It wouldn’t be the first time opening/poly was used to cover up an affair, or as a soft exit from a marriage. Guilt can be a big factor for some. I think it feels better knowing they helped their spouse start dating again and find someone to love and who enjoys having sex with them. It soothes...

Hey, notsureatall. Welcome to the forum. To me, this is feeling like frog-boil manipulation at best, and at worst, a good old-fashioned trap.

I’m not sure there’s entirely NO basis. She and your NP have been struggling with the new dynamic, she suggests a break to have some reconnection time, and then intentionally plans an in-home movie night with a couple in the lifestyle. Did she inform your NP of these plans? How did he feel or...

To me, that looks on paper to be a solid start/foundation. Have boundaries been pushed and expectations dramatically changed? Yeah the thing (subtext) with meta delivering this advice could be viewed in lots of different ways. 1) Genuine concern for his mental health. 2) Sort of...

Hi and welcome to the forum. 😁 Are you married to your nesting partner? How long were you swingers before deciding to enter poly/being in this quad? How long has this quad dynamic been up and running? My issue with stepping back or cutting back to allow someone to "catch up" is that it’s...

How long were you married or together prior to opening your relationship? From your opening post, it sounds like the reason your wife suggested opening your marriage. She was feeling neglected so she wanted to out-source ideas in terms of a short-term solution to getting her needs met...