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An enabler is someone who allows a person with a PD to continue behaving in the way that their PD dictates. The enabler might have their own PD, they might have poor boundaries, or they might just be too forgiving or too naive to recognise signs of the PD. Yes it's important that this person...

I read the title as (narcissism and kink) vs (ethical poly), not that the author had anything per se against kink, but that they had had bad experiences with someone who happened to be both narcissistic and kinky? I think there's a difference between not accepting your role in a relationship...

Much of my poly experience has been spent dodging narcissists... I have two 'types' - the exciting, love bombing narcissists who hook me in and then withdraw just enough to keep up their supply (and these have been both kinky and vanilla), and the more stable, perhaps less exciting characters...

No, not at all - he was quite respectful of our relationship and the time I needed to spend with my family. Is that something you're not feeling with your wife's partner? If so, it may be something specific to this person that's causing you concern rather than the D/s aspect :(

I don't know if it will help any, but I have been in a similar situation to your wife's - I am submissive but cannot be submissive to my husband. We just share so much of daily life together it takes away that whole dynamic, even if he were the best dominant in the world it still wouldn't work...

Uncomfortable feelings Hi Kindalosthere, I don't post very often on here, but this resonated with me. I had a similar experience in a previous poly relationship, and it's taken me a while to work my way through how I felt and why. For me, it also didn't feel like jealousy, but more like a kind...

Victims In defence of what FallenAngelina said - although it's hard to make that point without sounding like you're victim blaming, it is true that you can't change others, you can only change yourself. I'm a prior 'victim', and found that I naturally attracted 'toxic' people due to certain...

It's interesting, because now I think about it, although neither of us are particularly active in dating others at this point in time, this has probably been the greatest benefit of opening up our relationship, as we were pretty codependent before in retrospect. I guess it kind of happened the...

We're out to most of the people we know well, it's happened gradually and fairly naturally over the years. It hasn't been without pain and a whole heap of disapproval/judgement, but for me it was worth it because I'm not the kind of person who finds it easy to keep things hidden. Whether coming...

Yes, totally! Having had a long-term and extremely stable relationship with my husband, I've had more heartbreak in the past few years than I've had since my teens. It hasn't been all bad, by any means, but I've discovered that a lot of the things I thought were fixed in my own character were...

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions - at the moment I feel both thankful that I have such an amazing LBD, and slightly jaded that finding something anywhere near as good is so difficult... I think working on my support garments is a great idea, and also not needing to rely on my clothing...

I have an amazing Little Black Dress. I've had it for, wow, nearly 20 years, and it's always managed to make me feel amazing, no matter what shape or size I've been. It just fits in all the right places, the quality is fantastic and it shows no sign of wearing out any time soon - I love it. All...

You're not alone Hi lolahaze, I found myself in a similar position a few weeks ago - we've been poly for nearly 7 years now, but my husband isn't exactly active and I haven't had that much to deal with in the way of metamours. However, he's met someone now, we were on holiday, I was feeling...

Wow - plenty to think about! Just a few thoughts :) I agree with this, but I don't know how to tell when to draw the line? And yes, I know this is part of doing Life, just wish sometimes there was a guidebook to get us through ;) I've been surprised by how resistant some people are to being...

Point taken - my 'easy' covers #1 to #6 quite happily... but I'd contend that if most of your time is spent in #5 or #6, the relationship really isn't working, and I've seen a number of relationships that carry on in that state for ages... In fact I have used the whole proportion of time spent...

I'll be kind and assume this came out harsher than intended... Adding poly to a previously monogamous relationship can go in any number of ways... it can magnify existing issues, it can add new challenges from new relationships, it can improve openness and communication - which way it goes is...

This sounds to me that he isn't really looking at this from a polyamory point of view, but from a (serial) monogamy point of view - the whole point of poly is that there's no need to move on from working relationships and therefore no reason for an existing relationship to end if a new love...

@FallenAngelina - yes, that's exactly it. One of the indicators I've been using recently as to whether relationships are promising or not is the idea of a 'safe space' - that you can feel comfortable and able to communicate whatever you need to communicate without fear of the other person's...

This is more of a Friday night musing post than relating to any particular life events of mine :) It's always been my view that love should be primarily easy. That external events can make life and love temporarily difficult, but a successful relationship should internally be straightforward...

Yes... I wrote about my experiences here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20910 and here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22752 I think it was about another 4 months before he broke up with her. It was all very weird, and the whole break-up process reinforced...