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If this is your belief about how the Universe/God operates, then all of the wise and wonderful advice here just falls on barren ground.

Is this marriage truly the one good thing you have? Be honest with yourself. How good is a relationship you keep talking your partner into? A reluctant partner is incredibly painful to be around. My experience is that when a partner says that she wants out, believe her. To talk her into...

This says everything. Our bodies can always see far beyond our mental struggles. Happy for you. :)

If you're not on Fetlife, you definitely need to join up. There are so many people in so many variations there that one could get the impression that not being into kink or poly is what's weird. Where are you getting the message that kink is so very rare? It's positively mainstream in most...

I'm curious what dating in the truly Kiwi sense means. Sex?

Sounds like you're just not into polyamory. Good to know, right?

This isn't a matter of who is "very poly" and who is not. This is a matter of an agreement, or not, about whether and how to close a poly group. It's not "not very poly" to find emotional security in poly fidelity, it's a preference. Your preferences are mismatched, it seems.

I ran into this a lot when I was poly dating. The trope that poly women have so many more opportunities than poly men is pretty misleading. This kind of "opportunity" is plentiful, but when it comes to creating a fulfilling relationship, the odds seem to be about even for men and women. As...

Just to clarify: Are you using the word "intimacy" to mean sex? Or are you talking about emotional closeness?

I've been here, too. I tried out quite a few people and configurations in the wake of my divorce. So, PeachPerfect, you are in good company. Every one of us learns the hard way - there really is no other way to learn. You have done nothing wrong in falling for this man, you're only...

You know waaaaaaay more about polyamory than these people do. Start with what you know, what feels right, solid and true for you. What you've written here is what you want if you're going to explore poly. Stick with what you know to be true about what you want. Knowing what you want and...

You can never be wrong for wanting what you want. What do you want? Many of us are so used to molding ourselves around what other people want that we don't even realize how often we do it. We put the other's wishes above our own so as not to rock the boat or lose them. One tip off that this...

The more confident you are about this, the less need you'll have to for others to get you or validate you. Yes, you want to process on your own, but not because there are no friends to be found, but because becoming more solid in yourself will make a more solid base to which others will be...

Nobody can sabotage an otherwise strong and sturdy relationship. It's just not possible. It's just not possible that your BF is in good emotional health while also prioritizing a "toxic" wife. Don't fool yourself into believing that all would be well between you and your BF if only the...

Being a strong person doesn't mean putting up with sh*t (or anything that feels remotely like sh*t, no matter what is happening or who chose what, or, or, or.) Being a strong person means that you know what you want or have and you stand by what you want or have. There is no Poly Pledge of...

I find this entire new forum quoting format difficult to read!

Someone who doesn't know what he wants is not suited for any kind of healthy relationship.* However, it's expedient and easy to blame our partners for the big problems, but the truth is that if one partner is wobbly about what he wants, he'll always end up with someone who has equally bad...

Yes, along these lines there is nothing wrong here. Not every uneasy relationship situation needs to be dissected, graphed and fixed. If you channel all of this into your art, Fickle, it's perfect as it is.

I won't comment on how poly "should" be conducted here, but Seasoned Poly is right about one thing and that is that you chose the situation. You can remove the troublesome metamour but the fact remains that you were drawn to this terribly hurtful and compromising situation - and you're still...

Of course, you are stereotyping here. :)