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Autonomy vs. fidelity goes back at least as far as the Great American Experiment - AKA the exploration of America in the 17th century by white settlers looking to organize outside the strictures of feudal Europe. The concept of individual autonomy is definitely not new, although the topic does...

OP, you're talking with us like you're some sort of outsider. You don't have to explain as much to us as you seem to think you do. Most us us have been here for years, talking with people every day who are in a similar position as you. That's a lot of newcomers, a lot of unsure people in an...

Of course you do because you're not honoring your body's very loud and clear voice. You have told us that you do not want to be sexual with this woman and you told them that you'd keep at it. There's your struggle. Your body is in fine working order and is talking to you. Listen.

This. OP, you've gone into great detail about why you're not into polyamory. It's clear that you've educated yourself on this. OK, now what? You're not into poly. Neither am I, BTW. I'm close with poly people in my community but the relationship framework is just not for me, for many of...

Sex and romance are a pretty big area. I left my husband over sex - not even polyamory. Sex. We have been able to re-negotiate our contract and free each other to be with much more compatible partners, not breaking up our family but expanding our family. We divorced and remain close friends...

You've got to be honest with yourself first if anything is to develop into a nurturing situation for you. Honestly, after just one month are you truly "almost healed" after a 2+ year relationship that involved cheating?

Is he really SUFFERING??? I think you'd be hard pressed to find any person, poly or mono, who would be fine with her husband fucking her best friend. What the heck???

I'm willing to bet that "A" felt these insecurities all along, she just didn't have the wherewithal to express them until recently. One of the most frequent poly fallacies (in my view,) especially for newer people, is that people strive for compersion and compromise on the honesty in the...

What's this all about?

Lots of people do blow hot and cold in relationships, but there are also lots of people who are stable in their emotional availability and affections. If stability is your value, koolaid, then stability is your value. You don't need to justify it or shame facedly attribute this need to your...

Only slightly? Get that "slightly" part ironed out before anyone gets married.

I encourage you to respect this fear, listen to yourself. Trying to get him to get it only distracts from what is going on with yourself. Not to be snarky, but just to be pointed: Why are you entering into polyamorous relationships? Is polyamory a core value for you or are you falling into...

I agree with Mags - this isn't over. Why in the world would you want to be in a monogamous relationship with a man who is sacrificing the woman he loves just to be the figurehead in your home? I never understand this about wives - whether in poly situations or affairs. What is possibly...

"Long term" in your 20s can be 3 years. "Long term" to someone in her 60s feels more like 20 or 30 years. My experience is that most people in their younger years experience overlap in their affections when their relationships get to be "long term," and begin to want to explore others. I'm...

Yes, some research and education can be helpful for a person who is poly-curious, but there's no amount of explaining that can make someone want what he does not want - and never wanted. Your husband was never OK with the idea of you having a lover. Never. It doesn't matter how many people...

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" There's no point in endlessly dissecting the micro-minutiae of a relationship that is fundamentally flawed. He is not what you want. Simple. Perhaps more fruitful than digging into the rabbit hole of "jealousy" would be to look into the...

Who is going to movies at all?

I was a teenager in 1970's California and "smorgasbord" was the order of the day. I have no idea what this count-on-one-hand culture is that you kids are speaking of. 🥳

You do know that 65 year old people have sex? Where in the world did we ever manufacture the myth that people stop having sex once their kids are grown? Sorry, kids, but your parents and grandparents are having sex. Deal with it.

Poly simply means being open multiple loves, it doesn't mean that all comers are on the table. As Marcus and breathemusic point out, the issue here is not that one of you is polyier than the other, the issue is that you and your GF never had a clear agreement about the emotional parameters you...