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I recently got out of a 3 year r'ship, he was poly, I am mongam-ish at best. We negotiated, argued, bent our own wills to try to meet in the middle. Didn't work. I did jealousy workbooks, poly-friendly therapy, etc.. He agreed to follow rules he'd later recant. Once, we argued for 17 hours...

Attachment theory has helped me a great deal in realizing why I am the way I am and why my r'ships often end up a certain way. I'm anxiously attached and attract/am attracted to avoidants. The detailed patterns of behavior are too specific to ignore. So I'm anxious/preoccupied, but I'm also not...

I totally get what he means by "part time wife." Sure, mono people have their own lives, go out with friends, have hobbies or may occasionally take separate trips, or have intense work schedules. But my poly exbf felt unavailable to me when he was with his secondary in a way he simply wasn't...

BrokenArrow, you're doing the right thing. Not quite two months ago I got spat out from my own version of poly hell. I couldn't keep up with the moving goalposts, or stand feeling like my partner's protection, love and resources were being withdrawn from me and given to another. Like you, I...

I never met you, BrokenArrow, and I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I am SO GLAD you are finding your way out of this horrible situation. I know it feels bad now, and it will for a while. But put one foot in front of the other, find a place to live, organize your assets and...

Why would you *want* to be where Spitfire is at? Her marriage is falling apart, and she is unable to support herself financially, she's exhausted, and instead of dealing with all this, she's all caught up in her new sex partners. Surely she can see that you, BrokenArrow, cannot go on like this...

Hey BrokenArrow, The whole longing for safety, stability and a home that's a sanctuary really resonates with me, as well as the pain of seeing my partner lit up from someone else while things between us have turned into nothing but drama. My exboyfriend and I went through that breakup/makeup in...

To be fair to Sunny, he never agreed to be mono, though we were inadvertently for a year (except he did it with a sex worker once.) We did have agreements to keep any secondary relationships casual and occasional, plus no overnights and not in our house.....not at this time. (He's able to get...

Thanks for the response, Magdlyn! The loss of the lovely home hurts, not just the home I had with him for 9 months, but even more, the spacious, rent controlled cottage where I'd lived for 14 years before I gave it up to move in with him. Unfortunately, I'm priced out of decent real estate...

Wow, looking back over this journal.....Here's what I wrote in I March of 2014: "I was walking around in a halo of bliss the other day. I can't believe everyone doesn't live like this. I get to live with my husband, who is my heart, and also I get to make love to these beautiful, quality people...

In a mono/poly relationship it's very important neither partner is doing all the compromising. It's nice you want your partner to be happy, but the relationship won't work if you're unhappy. So If you're relationship agreements aren't working for you, ask to renegotiate.

It could be you're anxious because he moved the goalposts before when you weren't ready, and you're concerned it's happening again. If that's so, and he isn't, you very well might get over it with a little time and when he earns your trust. If he IS moving the goalposts to a place you don't want...

I'm closer to the monogamous end of the mono-poly spectrum than my boyfriend, so here's a bit of mono-ish perspective. For me, it's not so much the fear of being left blatantly. Like, "I'm leaving you for so-and-so because I like her more than you." (Ironically, the only time that's happened to...

You write: " but I do expect her to put forth effort as if it matters to her. She's probably not in a rush because she's quite satisfied with my performance in bed, but what about me?" Why should she make your "need" for release her problem? She's moving at the level of her interest. The above...

A threesome will fix all that? For how long? Seems like a lot of weight riding on this encounter, no? Do you mean physical release like an orgasm (do you not get that with wife?) or release from the "shackles" of monogamy? How many hours a week do you feel is a reasonable amount of time to...

Sunny and I seem to be in a really good place. He started building a pen in his yard to house my very large pet. It definitely shows his commitment to moving me into his house. Last month, I went overseas solo. Sunny and I took a little trip together just before that, and I'd volunteered that...

I feel for you. I absolutely hate this part of poly, the relationship run-off as I call it. But realistically, it's unavoidable. Years ago, I had a bad ending to a relationship, and I remember being out on a date with my husband and being completely unable to focus on him while texting...

When I first came out over 20 years ago as bisexual, poly seemed like the only possible way to find relationship satisfaction. How could I be satisfied with just one gender? I think as I've gotten older and found my own balance of male/female energy within me, I've started attracting partners...

Hi Rooster, I can absolutely understand why you'd find it troubling that you know nothing of this other person who apparently holds enough importance to your wife that she wears a pendant just like the one she wears to represent you. I was also troubled when my partner had a secondary who I...

Hey Lou, I feel you and am interested in this thread because it resonates. My partner of a year-and-a-half leans poly, I'm more monogam-ish. I would be very sad if he wanted to spend less time with me, doing things with others he currently does only with me, gone multiple nights a week or...