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I hate to be blunt, but you wasted 5-8 yrs trying to be "good“ enough, connected enough, blah blah blah. Having unprotected sex with a non-married partner isn’t an accident. It was a decision. You’ve been demoted and displaced pretty much from the get-go, and I’m not sure that’s entirely your...

Jen, thanks for the update. Whatever information you share helps fill in the picture. Because no one has asked yet, is there an agreement or open policy to look at each other's messages? Kevin: What about my body, my choice, and each dyad is separate and stands alone? I know many guys...

I did? Ok then, tell me again why “we," meaning you, need to get to the crux of this? This right here is what I’m asking about your iron-clad belief you know what’s going on inside everyone’s head. To me, this has nothing to do with some male/female bias, but rather judging someone for an...

What difference is the how or why in this guy's personal choice or preference? It’s his belief and his opinion. Why isn’t that OK? Yeah, I get it. You think he’s wrong and crude for thinking it and articulating it in the manner he did. Oh well, again, to each his or her own. What crux of the...

A couple things came to mind on this topic: 1) Lots of guys (husbands) have told stories in which their wife was willing to do or try something they had shut down with their husband. It could nonsexual stuff, like hiking or camping, or sexual, like swallowing and anal. 2) Could it be...

The reason I asked was to gett his/their experience level in open relationships. So the FWB thing ended when he met Chloe, or after they got married? Maybe it’s too cliche to be fun or a personal trainer with a mono streak. How were the Easter festivities? Do you guys do the dying of eggs and...

Hi JJ and welcome to the forum. So you’ve been dating on and off for the last 2-3 yrs? Did you do any research on polyamory or ENM before jumping in the pool? How did your husband react to this interest/desire to change your romantic dynamic? Was he excited, encouraging and enthusiastic, or...

Sorry for the confusion, but my question in post #8 was: was he married in the prior go-round with your wife? If he was married during that time, was their marriage open? NO. And there was no cheating? I don’t get it. Something isn't tracking here. Makes sense. Good for you. 👍😉 Could the pace...

Looking back, I’m surprised neither of us participated in this thread. Thanks for giving us a second shot. 🫣😝 Just kidding. I guess my question is: was he dating up, or was she dating down to round out her portfolio?

By everyone, you mean me and Juan? I’ve been told repeatedly that words and sexual self-identification matters. Maybe. I’ve seen plenty of women enter poly to “just explore their sexuality,“ and the possibilities, and then discovering their “lesbian“ natures and thus deciding to end their...

Oh, not a great look on the integrity front. Was the cheating the cause of the divorce? Is he dating others now? Is he heterosexual, as far as you know? That’s an awesome attitude, I think. When you have moments of wobble or uncertainty, lean into that. Are you saying it’s not really...

In other words, she’s going home to her roots, so to speak? Yeah, it’s going to be the "per se" part. ;) Best laid plans, and all that. 😝 You know what I mean. Horny high-school kids never plan on getting pregnant either; it just sort of happens. If I were you, I would prepare for a...

Hi Franko and welcome to the forum. Well, there are a lot of very open-minded people here to offer you opinions. 😉 You've come to the right place. Not trying to go down any semantic rabbit holes, but you used wife in one sentence and gf in another. Are you legally married, or is it a...

Got it. Thanks for adding more of the backstory. Any plan on cutting the older one in on the dynamic? I'd say you've got another year and change, depending on the gender and maturity, before he or she starts sensing stuff or putting stuff together. Was Simon married? If so, was his marriage...

Hi. Welcome to the forum. 😁 Was this born out of circumstance, or some drive your wife has? How many years were you practicing an open or polyamorous relationship prior to marriage? How old are your kids? Was this discussed, or left as an option, as a married couple? Was this something you...

I'd say it’s still not too late to read up. There is an extensive reading list here: https://polyamory.com/threads/most-commonly-cited-articles-and-books-master-thread.155304/ A couple items I’d suggest: 1) Come to terms that the old marriage is dead and something new and different will be...

Hey PWD. Welcome to the forum. Thanks for providing a brief backstory. It really helps in understanding the dynamic/situation. Upon opening the first time, did either if you do any kind of research ainto what you were getting into? Pitfalls or NRE/poly hell, risks, etc. Did you have an...

Hey, glad you got out and turned things around. Also glad I wasn’t one of the dismissive ones. 🫣 Would you link her old threads to give people a look at what she was saying and doing at the same time? It’s not too often we see married couples posting.

I read this: OK GREAT, she believes herself to be ethically non-monogamous in nature or identity. Why be open to casual sex, and NOT be open to polyamory? Maybe she wasn’t lucky enough to meet the right one. We’ve heard over and over you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the right ones...

I was speaking in the broad general sense, not you specifically. What about just waking up one day and deciding, "Enough is enough-- I don’t want a part time wife/lover. I don’t want the continual drama, risks or intrusion in my life. 5 years is long enough for me to know what I want and what I...