Search results

I wrote this on Facebook but it seems useful here also. Why hold on to stuff that just isn't going anywhere or working? Why do that? Why shove situations into a box out of a need or a want not being met? What if there is something being missed because there is so much time and energy being...

Thanks for the book recommendation, wildflower. You are right, I'm finding it hard to accept change but change has already happened in many ways. I am in it, anyway. There are huge changes going on. It's more about managing change so I don't leave everyone and start again. I have a history of...

Thanks for your words. It's given me a bit of hope that someone might decide to be monogamous with me if we should chose. I don't expect others to not do anything without me. I just want to BELIEVE that I am missed, that others will want to be with me, wish I was there and wish they were with...

I'm sitting in the woods at a campground having organized and come to a camp for LB's school. Its dark and warm and the campers are finally quiet. It occurs to me that I am doing this on my own. I usually have someone with me. Its just LB and me. I feel rather odd about it. Usually I would...

Welcome to my head, somegeezer. There have been some ideas for fixing it, but everything takes time. I could stop writing, I guess, until I'm totally on board and loving it all. I could not share my process, thoughts and progression. This is my blog, however, and while I appreciate the feedback...

Good point, Mags. I am doing lots but maybe not enough.

Agreed LR. Still processing and grateful to say stuff out loud. It sounds ludicrous writing some stuff down. But I am sure it will just help to get it all out.

Yup. Essentially that's it. See? I'm really not right in the head. We did talk of the future and not wanting poly eventually. It was far away for him. To me it was a closer thing. I don't want anyone to think that poly is not a good option. It is for many and might still be for me. Monogamy is...

You might be right LR. He has said as much. It's me who needs to figure out where I fit in that realization once and for all. I am not a half-way person. I want to give him everything and he doesn't want it or to give me the same. I want to focus everything I was on everyone on him and me. This...

Thanks for PN's writing on being "in the dance." I'm pondering for a bit on that. My first reaction is one of anger today. I am not wanting to be in a dance of poly. I have reached poly burn out. Fuck the dance. I want some simple little life of good friends, happy family and someone who I can...

It's been pointed out to me before that Mono said he would not be okay with me dating another guy. I pushed that. I guess because I had in the back of my mind that I needed to ride the thing through and then be available monogamously. I did. I am. He's not there with me on that page now. My bad...

Yup. He did. For some reason the ramifications of that didn't sink in, nor did it occur to me that things change and that we might have to deal with this one day. Well, maybe it did. But really, what does one do, just not be with someone because things change? No. There was no avoiding it. I...

Actually, Mono was in a relationship with PN and me, not really monogamous with me at all, by my account. It could be seen that way, anyway. I came as a package deal for him. That package is no longer as I move into just being me and doing my thing. It's threatening for him, apparently. He's...

I have suggested we try monogamy. I felt that I freed up my life to be available to try monogamy. I want to try that and see if some healing can occur around his having tried out an open relationship without my knowledge or blessing. We haven't had a chance to heal and regain a connection from...

It seems that either nothing is going on, or no one wants to tell me, or everyone is scared shitless of my reaction, or it's not that big of a deal, or people want their privacy. I can't figure out which. I'm enjoying a quiet calm. That usually means a storm is brewing and I will be faced with...

http://www.birdclan.org/crow.html Crows are with me everywhere right now. A relationship with myself, even in the presence of others-- I intend to have that and I do. I have a tree I go to, to pour the content of my aching chest into, and a beautiful rose garden to bring back some love in my...

I haven't been monogamous in almost 20 years. I was in my 20s when last I was monogamous. It feels uncharted to me.

Well, maybe it will come around for me too. I just have an appreciation for their presence in the house and for my role. It makes me feel as if I am needed as a contributing member.

I don't actually feel like what you suggest any more. I don't want to be at the helm of anyone's life but my own. Why? Because I suck at relationships right now and I don't deserve anyone. I don't expect anything and they shouldn't expect anything from me, as I have nothing to give. Just hope...

Damn. I wrote a post last night but I see it didn't go through. Ah well. I am writing it again. It seems my OKC mono friend has bailed on me. He had a hard time when I referenced his astrological sign and had a gut feeling about getting to know me. I suspect he had a hard time with my lifestyle...