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Maybe it isn't "loneliness." Maybe its "missing." I will sit in that thought now.

Lots of good stuff these days, mixed with moments of total anxiety and fear. I've chosen to investigate these moments as being a sign that I need to dive into my self stuff and swim around until I find my feet again. Today I felt profoundly lonely. I suppose that might be why I am posting...

Thanks LR. *hugs* :) You have grown too! We all have.

Just back from poly camp. I tried to write at one point, but lost the message. It said something along the lines of having a great time. :) PN and Mono weren't too keen on going, but LB was, so I encouraged them to rise to the occasion of doing something as a family. They agreed and had a good...

This was the first Pride day I have missed in years. It just didn't seem to be in the cards, and I didn't feel like creating it to be so. LB went to his friend's house all day. Mono and I went for a ride all day. Only PN went for a while. I can't say I missed it, actually. I love Pride day...

What I really need to focus on is putting my eggs in one basket. I feel as if I am doing that with Mono still. I am struggling to focus on myself, rather than him. If I can focus on me then it works to focus on us, rather than just him. Life at home is really great right now. PN and I are...

I've been thinking about needs and wants. I feel I shouldn't need people, but simply want to be with them. This has been my work of late: how to manage to fulfill my own needs first, to see if its possible, or if I can, then looking at what I want to do after that. I'm enjoying the separateness...

A very good point, Freetime. Agreed. It was good chatting with you the other week, btw. Looking forward to seeing you soon! I am doing okay. Life is moving along in various directions, some of which I feel I can't post about publicly, or don't feel I am ready to post about in any detail...

Thanks for this. Thanks to anyone who loves and cares for me enough to voice their opinions and thoughts about my life. Even if I don't always respond, I do read and take everything in. It's an honour to be written to here. I don't feel worthy, but it's appreciated and I am humbled by the honour...

I had a good talk with PN today. He wants to continue on as we have been doing. He thinks we have a lot of good stuff going for us that he is very happy with. We have our family, friendship, love and caring for one another, and our household. This is extremely valuable to both of us and we...

I was back at square one today. One step forward, two back. I guess that's how it goes. It was a day of tears and heartache for things I cannot change and growth I cannot deny myself. Huge talks with Mono over the last 24 hours. At one point we yelled at each other, but for the most part the...

I'm reminded of six months ago, when I stood at the ocean, contemplating the returning of the light and all the year would bring. I'm halfway through the year now. It's Solstice tomorrow. This time I will stand by the ocean and contemplate again, remembering all that has transpired and all the...

Birthday? Have a good one :)

Well isn't this rather ironic? One year ago, almost to the day, Mono expressed his love for his female friend, whose name I forget on here. (I'm sure BG will remind me. LOL) I remember being completely blindsided and dragging it out of him, as he wasn't going to say anything. It was my first...

You know what bugs me about poly? When people are struggling and having a hard time they go to find other partners elsewhere to get their needs met and make themselves feel better. If something isn't going right it seems a lot easier to just add another person to the mix rather than sort out...

I was reminded today that when people cheat on me, or don't tell the truth, or decide it's easier not to talk to me rather than deal with my emotions, that that is THEIR issue and not mine. Separating it from my worth as a partner is an ongoing process. It makes me face and deal with my issues...

Well thanks for telling me what everyone thinks. I guess that could be helpful to know. Eventually I can imagine there will be nothing left to tell me about who I am. For now I am all ears and taking anything that makes sense out of a the stuff that really just doesn't.

Well, thanks for telling me what everyone thinks. I guess that could be helpful to know. Eventually, I can imagine there will be nothing left to tell me about who I am. For now, I am all ears and taking anything that makes sense out of the stuff that really just doesn't.

Closing this thread as there seems to be a lot missing here. If you wish to continue this discussion you'll have to start a new thread and cease removing contents from your posts.

LR, LB would say thank you for slowing your life down so that you can look me in the face and listen to me talk about Star Trek, science, Superman, and all the emotional turmoil that is happening for him right now. He is a creative boy who never lets anything stand in the way of figuring it out...