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If this forum was like Facebook I'd hit the silly heart emoticon for that post. With my stress over "finding a solution" for a seemingly insolvable problem out of the way, I'll have enough brainpower after mourning to go back to my primary hobby of smartphone operating system building and...

It's not that I lean that way... Statistically for me since puberty, /reality/ leans that way. So realistically, outside long term relationships, I can't expect a lot of "play" opportunities. Random chance hasn't stricken often and I'm already quite aware of the difficulties in whistling up any...

The reasoning was new and different and exciting I guess. And silver-platter grade easy access to good times just for showing up. And I wanted something more than an even score, I just didn't want to be forever stuck on the bench. After a while it feels like the penalty box. I wanted to...

There's one factor that quietly hasn't been addressed in this, I assume to avoid additional butthurt on my part if it had been an issue. I've complained about sex frequency, quantity not quality. And the thing not brought up, as one of the things that can make a female partner not want any, is...

Honestly, I insist that all the related issues stem from the circumstances of the now closed relationship. I used to have multiple male friends and get along with them well, no gender issues. I was blissfully unconcerned that I hadn't figured out how to have a similar circle of female friends...

There were factors that had gotten me used to the self-suppresion. I spent a lot of years feeling like my kids were better off without a split household, and figured they were more important than my own stuff. During that time was when my personal power, as it were, was eroded away, and the...

I tried to answer this before but it got lost in the ether. Thank you for the intent. drive differences and she gets ticked off at me for still being unable to avoid sharing my emotional state after she has her outside interactions. Or I do other "undesirable" things which get me punished (my...

No need to apologize, presenting suggestions and data is clearly an effort to help. Just because I've read/tried some of them without success before, doesn't invalidate them at all. People keep saying therapy. I cannot imagine that being useful, but it's difficult to imagine something one has...

Yeah, who wouldn't. I can't believe I have had the ability to take that for so long and not just blow the f*ck up. I have definitely learned from this involvement that I am way tougher than I ever gave myself credit for, but also that I put up with tons and tons of bulls*it to keep things stable...

thanks. everything you've listed for groups in the quote except bdsm suits me well enough. Being vanilla to the point of being boring unless physical affection is adequate in and of itself kept me from making connections in that crowd. Being around people with cool interests is nice and all but...

Sorry, so many responses that some get away from me and I don't respond quickly. I've read a lot. Haven't seen any classes on the topic. Not interested in unrelated classes, really burned out on formal school after the last two attempts at online classes. I've read it's necessary to ignore my...

Ok, fine. All you end-it people win. Tired of the conflict and double standards. Again. Stood up for myself. No compromises available. Since we can't get along with the way she wants things, it's over again. She's tired of being grossed out by me wanting another partner specifically because she...

I do know that I am quite good at a lot of things. When I get dirty looks it's not because I'm a troll, it's because I don't fit expectations. I am happy with being who I am... Even the introversion, excessive straightforwardness, and other personality traits that interfere with meeting new...

Good points. I like your last option, though haven't found it either. I spent at least half of last year very, very, single, and it did not help with meeting or befriending women. Though I got a lot less gnarly looks about my situation. I did think being single not in a relationship would help...

Agreed. Forum is making me type outside the quote, so here's filler text.

Hahaha! True, true, more true. So many factors. I ended the relationship last year because I was so tired of trying and failing to deal with the nonfunctional open relationship issue. She wanted to get back together late in the year, no poly. I still loved her, so gave in //edit: correction...

I get to experience both extreme emotional states at once. It's loads of fun. I don't choose either of them, but there they are anyway. Emotional fulfillment? That's at 100% before the open relationship gets kicked in every time. Then all of a sudden I feel deprived of what I'm clearly missing...

In direct conflict with each other, generally. I find it difficult to feel good for my partner out having fun while I'm feeling very much isolated and alone. Maybe if that wasn't the only way things go aside from time together at home, it'd be easier. I like to think so, anyway. I can't see...

I read what I could find about the book. It looks pretty good. The common, yet hardly doable, thread between it and others I've read, is the self-love requirement. That one is rough. Ironic that I find so much of myself pretty awesome... Except for this. This part of me, I'd happily delete...

Good points, especially the preconceptions. I've been lectured before about basing that on experience and observation rather than optimism. I'll check out the book. Thanks. Constructive data. I figure if I'd read the right things maybe I'd be further down that long path. And the whole way...