hi, I'm challenged

[SomeDudeLearning]

Sorry I didn't have any new or useful ideas. Maybe I'll think of something later, or maybe someone other than me will think of something. I think it's usually hard for men to find women to date. Extra hard if you are an introvert. My only suggestion there is maybe there's a therapist out there somewhere who could offer you some social skills you could learn.

No need to apologize, presenting suggestions and data is clearly an effort to help.
Just because I've read/tried some of them without success before, doesn't invalidate them at all.
People keep saying therapy. I cannot imagine that being useful, but it's difficult to imagine something one has not tried. Problem would be the time/money investment more than personal distaste or lack of optimism.

 

[SomeDudeLearning]

I tried to answer this before but it got lost in the ether.

Whoa, that makes me sad. Would like to help you somehow, but not sure if I can.

Thank you for the intent.

In your other thread you seem to indicate that your sex life with your wife is intermittent at best, you go long stretches without, which you haven't mentioned here. If so, that, to me, seems to be a much bigger issue than not finding connections outside Why isn't it working with your wife? (I decided to respond here, but I can read your other thread if you respond there instead.)

drive differences and she gets ticked off at me for still being unable to avoid sharing my emotional state after she has her outside interactions.
Or I do other "undesirable" things which get me punished (my perspective) via lack of closeness.

Well, don't be too harsh on yourself for 'failing'. It's very ... human. I've failed in so many ways.

This is my only 'failure' that I have logged in my entire lifetime that had enough importance to me to use the word fail. Very frustrating, I thought I was better than that, as I have never had such issues accomplishing any other thing through my past experience. Though I've never manifested quantities of money any more than quantities of love...

I get the feeling though that although you see your 'inability' to manifest playful sexual connections as your only problem, that's hardly the case. It seems minor, but it isn't. You're letting this one area of your life impact your overall happiness profoundly. Don't be ashamed to seek therapy.

I know that perception of inability has hammered my entire existence. I hate that. The other issues that are tangled up in it, came from it... They did not show themselves before. That is why I have felt that being able to manifest such things, or at least not having the strong feeling of that being so improbable I would like to say impossible, would help me sort my other issues.

I don't know if self-love is truly your sticking point, but if it is and you want to practice that, the youtube resources I know are Tara Brach with her RAIN method (I'd recommend that to pretty much anyone), and Teal Swan (she's a bit out there with many of her claims though).

Good luck, Tinwen

I'll look into those, and out there doesn't bother me in the brainstorming realm.
Thanks.