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  1. L

    Mono/poly new member

    Leave. You aren't being treated well. You're being cheated on. He "understands" damn well that you don't want him fucking other people. He doesn't care about what you want. He wants you to pay for him & be in his harem while you devote yourself only him. Fuck that. Get out quickly & don't look...
  2. L

    How much to reveal?

    I say be up front. Let your dating partner know what he is getting into: your NP is having wobbles; you have a FWB who is non-negotiable; you lean heavily towards a stag-vixen dynamic. I feel this is information someone needs in order to make an informed decision as to whether they should move...
  3. L

    Lots Of Feelings

    You aren't going to get the sort of time & attention you desire in a long-distance relationship with a married poly man. He isn't available for lots of dates or texting or spontaneous booty. Are you truly satisfied with a partner you only see once or twice a month? Your choices are either 1)...
  4. L

    He's committing to another girl in our open relationship and I don't know how to feel about it

    Generally, I'd agree, don't snoop in your partner's phone. You *should* be able to trust your partner. However, when you're being lied to and manipulated, your intuition is screaming at you that you're being lied to and manipulated, but you can't quite put your finger on it, because emotional...
  5. L

    He's committing to another girl in our open relationship and I don't know how to feel about it

    Is this what you want? A husband who is toggling between 2 women? And she is agreeing to be monogamous to him??? That's going to be added responsibility on his behalf to keep her happy. Are you joyfully embracing the idea of having a "metamour," (a.k.a. someone you did NOT choose who suddenly...
  6. L

    New & Confused (Introduction)

    Yeah, this sounds less like a relationship and more like you're being used as bait...
  7. L

    Are Conservative Values Fundamentally Incompatible with Polyamory?

    In the U.S., our conservative candidate for president is a known sexual assaulter, a pedophile (client of Jeffery Epstein,) who often says absolutely disgusting things about women, and he and his cronies are a clear danger to abortion rights & no friend to the LGBTQ community--- If you're...
  8. L

    New poly relationship, questioning whether I'm actually poly

    Odds are you are not going to manage long-term poly r'ships with both John and Paul. Paul definitely doesn't want this arrangement. Does John? Or is he just trying to "go with the flow" to keep his marriage together? Making a choice sooner might save the entire V a year of unhappiness in limbo...
  9. L

    What is holding people back from trying out poly?

    Disagree. I remember reading in one or more book about love/r'ships/dating that there's actually something called "pre-selection," which means, in theory, someone in a r'ship is considered more attractive because someone else has already vetted them. I've seen it play out in "the wild," a guy...
  10. L

    Half open, with lies

    Want an honest opinion? You're being walked. all. over. Leave him. He's just hedging his bets so he can have his choice of women and won't be left alone if one of you smartens up and walks away.
  11. L

    New meta is better than me in every way

    I do not think we should be telling someone whose partner is in NRE that it is on THEM to try to win back their partner's attention. @FirstWinter, it's not on you to try to chase your partner, romance them, or ask for dates. THEY should be asking YOU for dates, they should be going out of...
  12. L

    Struggling with knowing if i want poly

    In my opinion, if he's articulated that he's going to poly "with or without you," he's indicating that either 1) being poly is as or more important to him than your partnership, or 2) being with that particular person is as or more important to him than your partnership. It's ok to be upset...
  13. L

    First time having negative emotions in poly

    Do you feel in your heart that this r'ship is different from ones he's had before? Perhaps it's a "gamechanger," and you sense you are about to become (if you aren't already) no longer the most important person to your husband, or to your bestie if you've been that for her. Before, you were the...
  14. L

    Not really a blog

    The woman has my sympathy. She doesn't want to bare her breasts in public, she feels humiliated. The baby is hungry, not dying. Sure sucks to be you passengers, though!!! As someone child-free, the sound of a baby screaming goes right through me, I don't know how parents do it.
  15. L

    New to the thread but not new to the lifestyle

    Over a decade ago, a similar situation brought me to this forum. I was dissatisfied in my marriage, feeling as if I had nothing to lose, I was willing to push my wants onto exhusband. First I wanted to date one particular woman. Then, when that ended, I wanted other women. Then I wanted men...
  16. L

    Concerned I may be getting in the road of GF being whole

    She might be ok with exploring another woman for herself. But she might NOT be ok with you sleeping with other women. Maybe that's why she's lost interest in poly, because she's bisexual but monogamous (bi does NOT equal poly.) Perhaps "exploring her sexuality" isn't more important to her than...
  17. L

    What are the signs my wife is hinting for a open relationship?

    I'm guessing your wife is already being non monogamous or on the cusp of being non monogamous. Go for it .
  18. L

    10 year marriage with possibilities to open up?

    Next door neighbor might be a little too close to home. Especially if you're just starting out with poly. Sounds like your wife was more interested in having sex with people who won't actually be in your "real life." She was thinking more like people you'll meet travelling (do you travel...
  19. L

    question on dating sites

    That's insane. And of course, if you HAD gone and were raped or murdered, people would say it was somehow your fault for not knowing better. Are men truly that clueless, or just that one?
  20. L

    question on dating sites

    I live on a small island. Nonetheless, most of my r'ships in the past decade have come from either okcupid or facebook dating. Here's some tips: 1. Have several good pics of you. Seriously, if you don't know how to take a good selfie, google it. I hate to say this, but: Smile! A close up of...
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