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Here are the things I think of when I consider the fears you mention. Consider a mother, father, and child. A child receives certain things from it's mother that it doesn't get from it's father. Likewise, it gets certain things from it's father it doesn't get from it's mother. Does the...

Children deserve a stable environment filled with people who love them regardless of their genetics. If the reason F and J need to know the paternity is so they know which one to love, then neither of them deserve a child.

Well, in order to learn the secret handshake and get the Certificate of Authenticity, you'll have to complete the 24 week correspondence course. Other suggested reading is typically The Ethical Slut and Opening Up. Do some Googling and you'll find a plethora of resources. Good keywords are...

Are you being completely honest with your husband? Is your preference due to the new and shiny of the NRE experience? Is it just that you are in different stages for each relationship? Did you tell him that? Is it due to #3 meeting your needs/preferences in ways that your husband could if...

It is a valid relationship structure for one polyamorous person to seek a closed relationship with two monogamous people. Whether they be men or women. Is it inherently misogynistic? No. I dont think so. Theoretically. As long as everyone consents to the agreement freely. In practice, I...

Perhaps the more pertinent question you need to answer is why you're spending so much time and energy pursuing someone who is not interested.

I've identified as poly since the late '70s, before I found the term on usenet in the early '90s. I've yet to personally be involved in more than one relationship simultaneously.

Change can be scary. It can also be an adventure. It's all a matter of perspective. I liken your situation (which is fairly common) to using a muscle that hasn't been used before. Take it slow. Don't try to take on too much too fast. It may be painful. But pain doesn't always mean that...

We don't have limits per se, but we have expressed preferences before. Not rules, but a discussion of what makes us uncomfortable or needs/wants we have. We do use the term secondary, but in a descripter sense. Just an expression of how much they're involved in our day to day life.

Kids generally don't want to know about mom and dad's sex life. I wouldn't talk to them about it unless they asked. And then I'd do it matter of factly. Not make a big deal about it. If you don't do public displays of affection as a couple now, don't start with your other.

Sorry to hear you didn't have a good time at the party. To answer your questions: 1. Where was I wrong, and what should I have done differently? Doesn't look to me that you did anything wrong. 2. Is A right? Does everyone who chooses to practice poly take a chance that they might find...

I suppose if you can't trust the guy, you could always make him wear a dental dam when you want to kiss him.

You have the right to ask for anything you want in a relationship. Are people required to give you everything you ask? Of course not. Is what your contemplating asking for unreasonable? Some would say yes others no. For me, your described situation wouldn't bother me. But I'm not you...

If we turned our backs on everyone who has done wrong, we would be living in a faceless world. That said, does he take ownership of the wrong he did? Has he or is he working to make amends? Yes? It's your call if you want to keep him a part of your life. No? DTMFA, imho. Who put the...

I might be able to speak to point number 1. I don't believe I experience love as an emotion like most other people do. I experience NRE, hard, but when that is over, there's not much there. That being said, I enjoy the company of cohabitation and prefer it to being alone. I am where I...

Shiela has received one in the past from another boyfriend. Doesn't really bother me.

I travel a lot for my work. When I am home, I have morning coffee with my wife before I go to work, which really is just spending 10 to 15 minutes together where we slow down, center ourselves and connect. When I am on the road, we do it over the telephone. It's our morning ritual. Not...

It's not a problem for me. Frankly, it's a turn on.

How does the saying go? There's no one right way to do poly, but there are plenty of ways to do it wrong?

I disagree that it is his responsibility to ensure that you communicate with her. He can help facilitate, but he shouldn't be responsible. In the end, it's up to you to make sure that happens. Your question is how to help someone who has feelings of jealousy or is concerned about becoming...