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Deleted- realized I answered my own question and it wasn't a clear Piece of writing.

By trial and error, I have figured out I do badly with the freedom of mine to do whatever I want with a partner being restricted for a metamour's feelings sake. I have no problem if that's for practicality (my partner would really like to have a strong come with his wife who he is planning to...

So, having recently broken up with my triad, I'm finding that it has all sorts of implications from my remaining relationship, with Django. There are all sorts of wonderful things about that- we're both super-horny, well-matched personality-wise, talk things out easily, and can talk forever...

So, what's the best calendar program you know for iphone? I've been using Cozi, and except that it takes forever to load, and you can't opt in and out of privacy settings, love the format. But a break-up has meant a dissolution of the group calendar, and I'm going for something new. I'd like...

So, last night I had the last remaining partner break-up/space taking in what was a triad of a year. I broke up with the first partner a couple weeks back. :( I was actually NOT expecting both relationships to become unworkable, but it did. This morning, I told a friend about what happened...

John Gray talks (in his very stereotypical books), about the concept of a man retreating into his cave when faced with a problem or having overwhelming amounts of intimacy. I've found this cave concept helpful. Even if stereotypical. If you know this pattern, and recognize it- what happens...

I've had quite the structure-change week- three new metamours, a breakup with a primary partner, and the loss of a triad. In one poly group (now partially defunct), it seems that the arrival of a new partner always heralds conflict and change. I might posit that this is because , as that group...

I've been thinking about my own definition of promariness. While in practicality, i like to live all relationships to their limits, the concept still hold validity to me. I've felt over-committed at times when I feel I'm giving a semi-permanent commitment of time and energy, which I consider a...

I've been in a triad for about a year. My female partner Banana and I split up this morning, over many problems, really, but mainly incompatibility with problem solving style. That effectively splits the triad, too. And while I knew it would, I wasn't quite prepared for the effect it had on...

Sometimes, it's helpful for me to phrase things in their positive. I was looking for the opposite of couple privilege and came up with "newcomer equality". Would love thoughts on what that might look like. My initial thoughts: Newcomer equality is the right to solve problems in the new...

This is a concept I just don't get- what is couple priviledge, and on the flip side, what does a healthy relationship of a couple with their third look like. Applicable to me is if you are the third, and you detect it, how do you address it, and what are the things that are and are not within...

So, question on the whole abuse and poly thing- is using veto power abuse? It's exerting control over another. Line-item veto power was used on me in terms of sleeping with a lover indicidually within a triad until Partner B got comfortable with the idea, which in the end involved me saying...

Background story: I was 28 when I married my husband, having done the whole "no sex before marriage" thing, only to discover we had way different sex drives. In retrospect, my guess is that he was close to asexual. Whereas I have rarely had all the sex I wanted- and the one time I did, I had...

If any of you have had a partner that is romantically strongly connected but physically significantly lower drive to your higher drive, can you share stories? And how to find peace with this? I would share mine, but I can't even find the words and thought hearing from others might help.

My partners and I have been talking future, and we've all come to the conclusion merging households is not practical in any kind of near-term or mid- range future. I've been quietly heartbroken about this, and have been checking in to make sure my assumptions about what they think/ want are...

Decided to delete

On a recent post, someone- perhaps galagirl- mentioned three types of models of openness. Two were family style and free agent. Could someone explain the theory?

I'm wondering how long it takes to adjust enough that it stops being a life-interfering event needing intense internal processing when a partner goes out on a date. I know this is a ymmv question, but what is a good ballpark range if it's going to happen? Answers welcomed either in time, or...

I'm new here, and fairly new to poly. I've been in an open poly triad for about 4.5 months now. I am absolutely loving my triad- I'm with two amazing people in all senses of the word. Each of my partners dates someone else, one long-distance, one fairly regularly but at a much lower level of...