How to handle sucky break-up comment

A

Asparagus

New member
So, last night I had the last remaining partner break-up/space taking in what was a triad of a year. I broke up with the first partner a couple weeks back. :( I was actually NOT expecting both relationships to become unworkable, but it did.

This morning, I told a friend about what happened the day before and got this comment, without any sympathy for me at all- and I'd done my part in leading the response by indicating I was finding it sucky without being dramatic:

But, are A and B (the original couple) still together?
(I indicated they were)
Oh good, because they need that. (Said with great sympathy for the original couple, who she's met once.)

I was just too stunned to respond. Like I don't need one of them as a partner right now? (Well, actually, I guess I have what I need, which is being in the one relationship in my life that works for all and out of ones that don't.)

But I'm thinking I'm going to be dreading something similar, and want a handle on how to better respond. Knowing what I could have done will probably help me feel more empowered.

Ideas?
 
:( typical triad bullshit for you. Im sorry, honestly I would probably tell the person making the offensive comment that it's insensitive of them to say such things when you're hurting and that you need support now
 
"Yes. It is nice they have each other for comfort. I need comfort myself. Could you be willing to refocus on me rather on than on them at this time?"

To me it sounds like you were talking to this friend to air out and be comforted but the friend was not focussing on task at hand. Or maybe did not understand your need in the moment.

Galagirl
 
Yeah, sounds to me like your friend was being ig'nernt ... but not necessarily malicious.

I suppose you could say, "Yeah, yay for them, boo for me I guess. Right?" But that would be sarcastic, so Inyourendo's and GalaGirl's advice might be healthier.
 
Your friend probably has a mono mindset that sees something safe and familiar with the status quo. The standard paradigm is all.
 
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