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here i am! i am back two years later after a lot of therapy to reply :)

Hi All! I'm back, a few years later to return to this thread. Posting here was during a time i felt the most alone, scared, and afraid. I was posting to find support from like-minded people. I'm still with my partner, we are married and own a house, and the partner in question is out of the...

Hey all! I'm sorry but this thread got me really depressed. i came on here with the hopes i'd find some really like minded poly people but once more it seems i just got bullied by people who feel superior. I'm a woman with PTSD who has a boyfriend who does not know what he wants and we both were...

wow seasoned poly, please go ahead and live your life doing the way you want....but i didn't ask for any of this "advice!" this is totally non consensual. i asked for how i find healing with my partner after a violent, terrible metamour controlled our lives for four years. you're calling me out...

thanks Evie that's pretty insightful. i agree i have the same misgivings. I should clarify...my partner told everyone he was a Dom, including to his partner C. in fact, they had a DDLG relationship where he behaved as her Daddy, and he managed her medication, mental health, all of it. so it was...

i agree with you that we should focus on the partner we choose to be the person we need them to be. however, for me, i've found after trying poly different ways that i need Hierarchy, as well as the ability to trust my metamour to be a safe person (aka not go into violent suicidal rages in my...

thanks for the thoughtful response Galagirl. A lot of food for thought. appreciate it. these are great questions to ponder on and i'll totally write them in my journal and reflect on them, thanks so much. no i don't tell J what to do now, that would be totally counterintuitive to having...

it's my right and preference if i insist that my relationship with my meta with my primary partner is healthy and good. i don't judge other people who don't need to know their meta, why is it necessary for me to be judged that i need to have a healthy, good, and caring relationship with my own...

i don't know what you mean, and it feels like you are bullying me.

Thanks Kevin T. that's good advice thank you for the kind and thoughtful response! We actually went and saw a poly relationship counselor, but he actually recommended we go and see individual therapists so that's what we do now. I think we should find another therapist and try with a new person...

i don't think he knows what he wants! we are all figuring this out, taking the path unknown, sorting out what's right and what's not. we are all learners, including yourself and every human being who makes their own path. I l was open to NH in theory and then i tried it and found it to not work...

it feels like perhaps we have different ideas about poly. for me, when two people get together they decide together what works for them both, i have no idea what will work for me unless i am with another person, and we build what is right for us collectively from the ground up. i have no idea...

i appreciate this advice thank you. well then how do you recommend i heal on my own, without leaving my partner? that's more what i'm looking for. i already, set boundaries, am in therapy, i wrote an honest long letter to her and put it in a fire, and wrote a shorter farewell letter with...

hey there thanks for the advice but i'm confused here, they are still in touch but just friends. the relationship is over. so why would my partner become a bad husband and father if the situation is over? due to the fact he allowed this toxic situation for so long? i understand i cannot change C...

You say some thoughtful things here and i do appreciate the time you put towards thinking about polyamory, but i can't help feel you are preaching me on how i SHOULD feel, which conveniently, fits into the idea of what you feel. I thought Poly was a way for us to be free within our...

I say this because my therapist suggested that since I identify as poly, but have found the people in the lifestyle to be judgmental and preachy and selfish, I should reach out to a forum and try to find some like minded folx so I can find relatable people within the community.

C and J are no longer in a romantic relationship. She lives overseas and are friends. j has promised me this is over and he is nothing more than friiends. He is aware I will leave him immediately if that changes, it was 4 hellish years. I’m in therapy, I do daily meditation, I surround myself...

Thank you I agree it’s on me...wondering tho if the hurtful situation is gone: the relationship is over between them...how to trust my partner moving ahead?

Ok I appreciate all you wrote and a lot of gems in here, but one major thing. C and J aren’t together, they broke up. I wrote that above. I was looking for advice on how to move on from the trauma of it and heal with my partner

And to add...please consider that my “entanglements” with my partner that you describe as a social construct are actually a survival tool for a low income person. Many of your descriptions of how people can relate are based on the idea that they can provide for themselves. My partner and I are...