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There are some good thoughts here and it matches my experience. By the end, I was having to stand up for myself against his wife's games, which he denied were happening despite the evidence. He defaulted to putting her first, regardless of her behavior, and expecting me to just deal. Yes, I...

Well said. My first thought was that someone who wants to make a major life change and pull his wife into this or possibly end his marriage because he thought about it every night for two weeks...has some growing up to do before making major life decisions. This is what I expect from my 12 year...

This is my experience, also. My experience was a little different from 'Joan and Dave.' In my case, 'Joan' was absolutely fine with Dave having all the sex and girlfriends he wanted--but he wasn't supposed to fall in love. (Except nobody ever spelled out that rule.) And she didn't officially...

Poly is something your husband dearly wants, and therefore...? Is that the sole criteria, that he dearly wants something and therefore he is now entitled to it? It sounds like poly is not good for you. It sounds like returning to monogamy is what you dearly want. So why is his 'dearly want'...

Bad example that almost disproves your point. There are important differences any owner of a large breed better be aware of. Sorry, but no, owning a Great Dane and owning a toy poodle are not the same world. Barely the same planet. I'm in agreement on much of what you say--including what do we...

EVERY couple has their problems. Sorry, no, every kid doesn't pick up on that and wish mom and dad would split. And from what I've seen here the problems, the drama, the swing of NRE and breakups, the jealousies, etc. are more extreme in poly most of the time. There are attempts to use...

I also thought this was practically the definition of poly: the best of both worlds, the comfort of home base with the freedom to see others. Pea, you expected your boyfriend to get himself a chew toy. Or, if we want to be crass, a receptacle. Something to placate him and entertain him while...

Without going back and quoting: The question has been brought up of what 'caused' Jayke's wife to stop desiring him/start cheating. Would this fly if it were a guy cheating on his wife and saying, "Well, she got fat, I didn't find her attractive anymore, so I had sex with someone else and...

Hi, Jayke, Rather than quote many posts here, I'm just going to try to address major points without the quotes. She's cheated on you. Twice? She now wants to stay married but with permission for herself, and only herself, to have sex with anyone she wants. What's in this for you? Why does...

This is what's called being a chew toy to entertain the dog while she's out of the house. Based on my experience and on 6 years of reading poly forums and blogs, I'd say it's more common than people want to admit. I've seen many poly wives take this attitude and become upset when their...

Obviously there are many shades of situations. I see the problem as telling someone early on, and multiple times in a relationship: I never get back together again. Why would you keep telling someone that when nobody is even talking about breaking up? To me, that sounds like a warning. Also...

I don't know enough of your story. I take it metamour is Awpti's wife? Was she all in favor of poly? Given my own experiences and all my reading, I would suggest her ups and downs in trying to handle your place in his life are actually pretty typical. Can you leave a link for P.S. I love you's...

#metoo http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=385571&postcount=21 I frequently see posts here that make me think, this is exactly why I titled my blog as I did. I rarely have time to write about them. This post is no better or worse than any other that has made me think this. I just...

I skimmed the answers but didn't see anyone point this out. You saw a chance for a hot threesome. But the girlfriend was supposed to be just a sex toy for you to fulfill the (supposedly) typical male fantasy of seeing two women together. She wasn't supposed to have feelings. Or inspire...

Her mother doesn't have to like or approve. I think we've stumbled into a belief that we are somehow owed other people's approval--even when we disapprove of other people's ideas or actions in return. If I understand this, your boyfriend's mother in law lives with him. They are not only...

Is it worse to grow old on your own or grow old with someone who completely disrespects you and tries to order you to feel what she's decided you should feel, regardless of anything she does or says?

Your GF quit texting because she had reason to believe her communication with you was not private. She was speaking civilly and in a friendly manner with your wife. What was she supposed to have done better? Did your GF break up with you over this? What you can do is tell your wife to grow up...

And posts like this is EXACTLY why I'm glad I came to this forum. XBF's wife completely invaded my privacy. She tried twice to walk in on us. When I refused to give her any chance to try a third time, she started playing games. I voted with my feet, too. I told him why. He told me I was...

Dagferi has good advice. All too often, one leg of the V does end up getting treated like second banana. Jealousies come into play. Time becomes an issue, etc. I'm also curious why you've decided to try poly. And take to heart her words: it destroys more relationships than not. In my XBF's...

There's no reason my questions should be perceived as aggressive. They are food for thought, and vitally important questions that should be considered before bringing other people into this. Maybe the answers to these questions are uncomfortable in revealing that this may not be a great deal...