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Yes, and this is a boundary "power" I am seeing that hinges have the advantage of. I'm on one arm of the V, and am feeling like I have very little "say" on the intrusiveness of the other partner, especially when she is needy. (And he is not saying "no" to that, which I think is a larger issue.)...

I find it can be intrusive. They can speak before he leaves, and speak again when he heads home. I don't mind the texting, as long as it's not several in large chunks. Yes, and this why I ask - I am curious as to the various opinions and experiences.

Yes, I have seen that. I guess maybe it's more about phone calls - if the meta is asking for a phone call or two during my in-person time (4-6 days with my long distance partner), is that normal? I'm totally fine with not needing/asking for any phone calls, and am now totally fine with barely or...

Hello gang! I'm curious about what most of you do or see around communication (texting, video and/or phone calls) when your partner is with their other partner(s). Do you keep it minimal? Do you communicate at all? Can it vary? Have you asked for minimal to no communication from outside...

First off, I want to thank you for your thorough message here, sharing your thoughts that may give me more perspective on Blue's situation. I welcome hearing various points of view, which is why I post here. :) Yes, I did. Upon reflection, I realized pretty quickly that I should have just left...

From what I understand, Blue's marriage has pretty much become a situation of friends and co-parenting with her husband. The romance/sex seems to be gone, and he is more focussed on his relationship with his GF, who often lives with them. So Blue could be feeling that she is losing both him and...

I've wondered that too. Both Blue and Pisces have been poly for a long time, but yeah, it's possible. Pisces had told me that last year, after his (now ex) wife ended their long marriage, that Blue LOVED having Pisces "all to herself" for the six months before I dropped into his life. He told...

Ooh! Thank you! I'll look that up - I would love to not have it dominate my life that way!

ETA: after reflection, and speaking to a therapist friend, who advised: “Yeah I think the advice about blocking her isn't bad. It would help you avoid her crazy for sure, but I think in your case it's going to be more helpful in the long run to just let her get upset and be unreasonable in her...

Oh believe me, it's been an exhausting two months! Most of our time has been lovely, and he and I are feeling healthy and strong now, having done some solid work recently (discussions about better ways to communicate, etc.). He was ready to walk away from her too, with that recent meltdown...

Fair. :) I get that, but that's too bad. He and I have agreed on certain things, and so she will need to accept that's how things are between he and I. If he asks me to change things, that's something we can negotiate, but her discomfort is not currently my problem. She has been unhappy about a...

One last thing I'd like to get your takes on re: metamour conflict: Pisces, Blue and I are all into BDSM/kink, and are all active in the local kink communities, and are all on a BDSM website called Fetlife. Part of Blue's upset before she threatened to end their relationship was that she was...

True. It's just really too bad. I was so hopeful for a warm, peaceful connection with Blue, to have a nice relationship with a meta at last. I've had bad luck with past metas (wives) freaking out and being threatened by me (and demanding their husbands break up with me to save their marriage)...

Yes, and he has acknowledged that he should have texted me regardless. And yes, I think I agree with you-- no more talking to Blue. It's apparently too risky to blow things up, even if she has said it's okay. Who knows if she will change her mind, again?

I did check the flight, and saw it landed. I had asked if Blue was going to stay over at his place the night they landed or not, so I could know my level of communication with him. (If she was still there, I would only text a reply once and then leave it. If not, I would have been able to...

I wish to could let go of having Pisces sending me quick check-in messages (which isn't an unreasonable request at all, and I do it for my people who ask/need it from me), but my anxiety is one that since becoming poly, if I don't have that quick check-in, like a goodnight, I will actually worry...

Pisces and I are not currently nesting partners, no. As I mentioned in the first part of my message, he lives in a different city on the mainland and I live on an island nearby, and Blue lives in a city nearby his. And I agree, the quality in-person time is important and sacred. And I don't...

Yes, Pisces told me the bit about her coming in to wake him up and drive her home. He was irritated with both of us, until I reminded him that it was his lack of messaging me the night before that had caused me to worry and reach out to her to begin with. He doesn't usually tell me too much...

Hello all! I hope you have been doing well. I've posted a couple of times before. My most recent post was seeking thoughts about my partner (Pisces) travelling to Europe with his other partner (Blue), and how I'd handle all of that for the first time. I have been with Pisces for ten months...

Thanks! It feels weird, but right. :)