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Just a quick note: I had forgotten, I had told him one of the main reasons I felt/feel motivated to "withdraw"/disconnect/not message much, or not as lovingly, is that I have NO say over their trip, or anything to do with their time, etc. But I DO have say over what I do, communicate, act/react...

Yes, I think you are spot on - emotionally distancing isn't really meant to be punishing, but could be seen as that, by him, and by my, as you say, subconscious mind. I will think on if limiting to texts instead of also having a few calls/video calls. He and I are both avid photographers, and...

Hello all! The backstory: I have been with my partner, Pisces, for nine months. He has been with his other partner (we will call her Blue), who is married and lives elsewhere with her husband and teen daughter. My guy, Pisces, was married for a long time to another woman (we will call her...

Heya, just a quick bit from my own experience - when my (ex) husband and I opened our marriage, after about 6 months, we did tell our 12 year old son. Both of my boys (the other 9 years old) had spent time with both my husband's GF and my BF, so they knew them. I don't know that my son really...

Indeed, and I have found said people :) ETA: a line I just read from another poster on another thread had me thinking, as it resonates: "I wouldn't entertain weighing the two relationships, because asking me to do that in the first place is a hard stop for me."

Yes, I'm familiar with the idea of "obey" in some marriage vows. I would be surprised if many married poly couples actually used or agreed that it's a concept they had to follow...? I mean, if we are going by that notion, our OP of this thread has just as much right to make his wife "obey" as...

Is this the 14th century? I'm with Galagirl, in the idea of "My way or the highway" dictating all of this, including “allowed” communication? Nope, not healthy, not cooperative - pure hooey indeed.

Hello again! I see that our discussion yesterday brought up some food for thought for both you and I. I came away from our conversation with questions in my head, and with a need to bring our chat and my questions to my partner. So thanks for bringing me things to think on. I realized that I...

I'm glad you and your wife are communicating better. So important. I am curious about something - why are you accepting the "not *allowed* to speak to the GF" rule dictated by your wife? You are an adult and your GF is too - since when do we let another adult "allow" who we can speak to? I get...

Thankfully not all situations will have the concepts of veto or "disposing" - my current situation is just one such, and I wouldn't have entered it otherwise. My partner (who I don't currently live with) has another partner (together for a decade, and who is married and living with her...

Yup, I've heard the various things about Franklin. I still agree with both of the authors that people shouldn't be treated as things. Period.

I didn't say it was a "rule". I'm saying it's unethical. And ENM is supposed to be - it's in the name. I follow the ideas that the writers of More Than Two ascribe to around not treating people as things, as disposable, that people need to be ethical in this as much as possible. It's one reason...

I'm so sorry your family is struggling with this right now. I will say, as a woman who was dumped/broken up with, not once but twice, by married poly men because their wives ended up feeling threatened by me (so the husbands, like you, felt they need to "save the marriage"), I was devastated...

I hope that too, but I'm not holding my breath. Need to keep moving forward and keeping myself open to new/other connections for now.

No, I haven't read it yet, though I know of it. I have read More Than Two, and PolySecure, and have the Poly ToolKit book. I might have Opening Up in my e-library.

Even if my mistake has now cost me a possible new relationship? Sigh...

Hello all, Just an update. My main partner, Pisces, and I had an amazing 12 days together. We spoke early on to make sure he was feeling reassured and secure, and worked through ideas around communication of last minute plans, etc. All is very solid and loving with him. As to the other guy...

Yes, I can definitely give them nicknames. :) Pisces for my partner, and Ulysses for the new "s" person. Pisces arrives tonight, in a couple of hours. I am excited, but also nervous, as I've felt like I've been walking around on eggshells with him all week. And Ulysses (rightly so) got grumpy...

Yup, totally.

It's way too early to have the heart "love" right now. Right now, after only a week, it's a sexual chemical, NRE endorphin high, not love. I'm in lust, not love. But Pisces is now seeing from the outside what I look like when in NRE with someone else that isn't him. I am sympathetic. Watching...