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THWAP!!! Go take a bubble bath. Or ride a bike. Or watch your favorite porn & masturbate while eating ice cream with magic shell. Or take up a new class in something you've always wanted to do. Maybe get some new decorations for your bedroom? New sheets? Do you like running ? Take a looooooong...

No judging about the panic attacks from me. Lora used to pull the same shit. She also does get legit panic attacks. I also get legit panic attacks (though far far far more rarely than I used to). It was absolutely amaaaaaaazing the number of times that she and Jon spent part of the day together...

I think putting it on the table would be a great idea and seeing what she wants, what Farmer wants, and what you want, all clearly out there. There's a lot of different ways that it could go, and working through this all using clear, direct communication would (at the least) be a great exercise...

Correct me if I'm wrong, polypet, but you were dating Ethan before June came on the scene, right? Per the above, I have (sadly) heard of situations where a newly poly couple had one partner who through a fit about their partner seeing an OSO solo. But I've never heard about a poly person, who...

It will be really helpful to hear what he says to the letter. I'm also poly and kinky, of the two, depending on the person, I could potentially live without sexual poly (in the past, one of my longest, most loved partners was a non-sexual partner), but I definitely can't live without kink. That...

I talk a lot about problems like this on my blog here, as well as my other blog (https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com). I had a lot of these same problems with my ex-metamour Lora and our hinge partner Jon. What I parsed out in the end in part was that it shouldn't matter that she was my...

It could be both. You could be burned out on being sad AND also your drama-limit is getting close to being reached. IMO, not being able to see him without her is a huge red flag. If I were you, I think I might have said by now "Ethan, I'd really like the two of us to get together and talk. Can...

Yes! I try to remind myself that more than one thing can be true at a time, and this is definitely a case where that applies. I know myself well enough to know that if Lora really were to change, while it would definitely take more than just a couple of instances of changed behavior to really...

So the domestic violence takes it to a whole new level. Based on that alone, yes, please let him go and take care of yourself. He's not a good partner, period. Full stop, right there. There doesn't need to be any other reason to walk away. Now, having said that, I did want to bring up where...

That's a really good point. I think (because of previous people in my life) I get really hung up on "Am I sure? I shouldn't say anything unless I'm absolutely SURE", which he and I have talked about before. And even though Jon has said that he's comfortable with me saying "I'm not 100% sure...

Oh believe me, I totally get you. My ex-metamour would often not say what she really wanted. I could tell (at least some of the time) when that was happening, but I kept taking her at face value because I didn't want to get into the habit of her expecting me to read her mind OR of possibly...

So, beyond being poly, I have over ten years experience living with roommates, and I wanted to offer some thoughts, based on my experience there. First off, in every, single place I've lived since I was 20, I was either the primary leaseholder, or a co-leaseholder. So I'm coming at this from a...

I have some really strong emotional feelings about fluid bonding. Although trust is part of it, it's..you know, it's actually slightly embarrassing to put into words, but there is a feeling of if a person is coming inside me, then they're kind of becoming a part of me (and vice versa, with my...

I think you're pretty much doing everything right. While I agree with GalaGirl (and other PPs) who said it's important to end conversations where she speculates about Farmer's feelings/wants with a firm "you need to take that up with him. I can't help you there", I don't think you did anything...

From what you've said, and the little amount of time you're spending together, it sounds like she's putting her insecurities on to you. From what you've written, I would doubt how poly she is too. That really sucks, and I'm sorry. I don't do relationships where someone has veto power for the...

Everybody got sick this weekend, so Jon and Lora didn't meet up to deal with her storage unit. As I mulled over that, I thought about what it is that I really care about, in terms of why it bothers me. I want to check in on my own emotions, and make sure that I'm directing my energies in the...

((((((hugs)))))) For the record, I think taking a big step back was the healthiest thing for you. And even while this time hurts and is sad, I hope there is some healing in it for you. And I also wanted to say that you never know where things will end. I believe you mentioned that you knew...

It sounds like he might be a solo poly person. If his freedom is the most important thing to him (a reasonable life choice), then it's possible that you could be partners, but it sounds like even then, you would need to keep in mind and be comfortable with/come to terms with his freedom coming...

This might be a thing that depends on life experience, but if they were truly equals, I'd honestly expect her to be able to have at least some input on a few things. I know that this is a sensitive subject to me, because my hoarder mom (before the whole house was hoarded) had this attitude of...

Not a whole lot going on, on the poly-front. I decided that I'm definitely NOT going to date anytime soon - I am burned out on people, and just need all that newfound energy to go to me. I wrote about it more in-depth in my blog...