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What I actually said was that I would really like if we could just cuddle up, naked together, without the thought that it would lead to anything more, with no pressure for it to turn into sex, in fact, with the intention for it not to turn into sex, just as an end in itself. What I didn’t do...

@GalaGirl thank you very much for such a detailed response. There is so much for me to think about and so much good advice in this. One bit I want to pick up is: If anything I’ve said suggests I think she HAS to do what I say, then I’ve chosen my words very poorly. She absolutely has a voice...

I’ve come to realise there’s a big gulf between having been told something and knowing something. I have told her. I’m not sure she knows it. At least I’m not sure she has understood how important it is to me and how its absence affects me.

In thinking about all this, I’ve considered how I would feel if she were to seek another partner too. I guess you never know for sure until it happens, but I think I’d be happy for her. I want the best for her. I want her to be as happy as she can be, and if she could get that with someone else...

To keep the metaphor going, I’m still mulling it over and I need to think about it more, but I think I’m ready to take on that work, to get my hands dirty and create something new and even more beautiful out of our old home. I’m not sure that my wife wants to take on that job though, and I...

@GalaGirl, thank you for the benefit of your wisdom and experience. You have nailed a lot of it, and given me a lot to think about. The thing about sex is that (for most people) it all happens behind closed doors. Everyone looking at us would think we had as close to a perfect marriage as it’s...

Our son is 15, it’s only 3 years until he is 18 but if, when he was younger, I already had in my mind it may end in divorce I don’t think I could have waiting very long. That’s the thing though, I don’t want to get a divorce. Our life together is so good in every other way. I want to find a way...

Yes, we were both 22 when we married, and at the time religious beliefs prevented us from engaging in pre-marital sex. Yes, you are right: I allowed a sexless marriage to become normalized, and I regret not tackling it head-on more determinedly much earlier on. I think she might well be...

@Magdlyn, thanks for your response. No offense taken, you are of course quite right, I am very inexperienced and yes I am aware that I may get carried away. At the end of the day you never know how you're going to react to an experience until you've had it. I think I just need to be aware of...

Thanks. That really confirms my own thoughts. I am grieving that absence of a sexual connection with my wife, and I know nothing can replace that. I have to live without that either way, but perhaps I don't need to live without any sexual fulfilment in my life, and hopefully I can achieve that...

Thanks, everyone, for your helpful replies. I'm new to this and just trying to find my way, so having all this experience to draw on is very helpful. I'm learning right now and a long way from bringing this up with my wife, if indeed I ever decide to do so. My belief stems from the fact that...

Thanks to everyone for lots of great advice. I’m learning lots here. My wife’s health condition is not so severe that she is in any way disabled, and as far as we know it should be solvable in time. As far as I can tell, it’s more discomfort than anything else, but it would make intimacy less...

Thanks for the input. I’ll check out those resources. I don’t think our relationship is broken. It is strong and amazing in literally every other aspect. But this sexual disparity is and has been a constant source of sadness for me. I mourn the loss of sexual intimacy with that deep emotional...

My wife and I have spent over 30 years in a sexless marriage. In our first year of marriage we had sex 8 times. That remains the most we’ve managed in any year since. It has become more sporadic as time has passed. It’s now been over three years since we last had sex. Now health issues she is...