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  1. Bobbi

    Polypartner status levels and p.f.hell

    5 WEEKS!!? 😳 not sure where you live where 5 weeks is what most people have. In the US the average is 2 weeks. And yes, this alone is poly nightmare.
  2. Bobbi

    Time Management

    So it seems this works for you. Dawn needs to learn to fill her alone time. It's not healthy to focus on you and expect you to fill it. This creates codependency and is monogamy programming. Encourage her to become comfortable being alone, finding hobbies or dating others to satisfy her extra...
  3. Bobbi

    Mono-Poly Relationship Advice Needed

    This is the crux of your issue. Polyamory is about working through those hard feelings you have when your partner is loving someone else. You both need to sit down and figure out, as individuals, if you want to do the work to sit with these very uncomfortable feelings. Poly is not one-sided...
  4. Bobbi

    Long days and pleasant nights.

    Quality time is so important. Some people don't understand that quality time isn't just time spent together. You can feel very alone surrounded by people. The one on one intimate connection and conversation is essential.
  5. Bobbi

    Erections & Condoms with playpartners

    I think all or any of the things you list could be factors in some way. The psychological response created by having trouble once is enough to cause it again and again as your brain gets caught in the thought loop of "I hope I can get an erection, if I get one I hope I don't lose it" and that...
  6. Bobbi

    Hi! It's nice to find this new corner of the internet!

    Welcome, this is a great place to start learning and getting advice. Just fyi, having feelings for more than one person is normal. EVERYONE is capable of that. That thing alone doesn't make you poly. The relationship structure you choose determines if you are poly or not. Some people do see...
  7. Bobbi

    What is holding people back from trying out poly?

    I second what Ref said. I would have gone apeshit on my spouse if they did this to me...to flaunt a new partner in front of you like that, thinking it was all behind your back!? Rings off means marriage is done unless you had a prior arrangement about wearing rings. I would have been sick and...
  8. Bobbi

    Hi all!

    Ah, now I understand. My first thought was DID but I didn't want to assume. Thank you very much for clarifying! This also clears up why you use different pronouns. Are all of your parts poly with other people? Or just some of your parts? Or are they only poly with each other?
  9. Bobbi

    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    I see this as society broadening "normal." It used to be gay marriage wasn't normal, now it is (for a majority of people, we still have a lot of work to do). And where I live, being trans is normal too. I think normal comes into play when society doesn't care how you live your life. I'd like to...
  10. Bobbi

    Hi all!

    Thank you. I feel more confused reading that. I just hope OP will give grace if I say something out of ignorance.
  11. Bobbi

    Mono/Poly Relationships

    That's my belief. I have no idea if reincarnation exists, but these people are just so connected to me, and this sense of "knowing" them-- there really isn't much explanation for it. To me it makes more sense than religion or belief in God.
  12. Bobbi

    Hi all!

    Welcome! I need some education here. Does this mean you use all pronouns? What does plural mean in your life? Or how do I relate plural to you? I've never seen that before.
  13. Bobbi

    Help with nesting partners and sexual control

    It's a sign that the person you are dating has no autonomy to choose what she wants to do with her body and with whom. Her wife has final say, which means she can veto anything, including your entire relationship. Most poly people would not date this person. It turns you into an accessory...
  14. Bobbi

    Mono/Poly Relationships

    No. It's like being with someone who wants kids and you don't, or they want to live in Antarctica and you don't. You want poly and she doesn't. Any compromise on her part is not going to happen. So the ball is in your court. Either you choose monogamy, her version of monogamy, or you part ways...
  15. Bobbi

    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    The more I think about it the more I'm reminded of the ways "lifestyle" came to be used as a noun and none of them are good. It was used by straight people to describe gays as doing something shameful and even coined the term "alternative lifestyle" to describe anything that wasn't straight...
  16. Bobbi

    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    I think the problem is they use it as a noun to describe an act that's seen by mainstream as unacceptable behavior....it's like a child saying "number 1 and number 2" for bodily functions instead of pee and poop, because using those terms is dirty or forbidden. Lifestyle isn't a noun that you...
  17. Bobbi

    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    Yes! This, exactly! It always gave me the creeps when I hear it or someone asks me how long I've been in the lifestyle, but I never had words for why. This is it, and there isn't one.
  18. Bobbi

    Is polyamory a "lifestyle"?

    That's how I see it. Polyamory is a PART of MY lifestyle. I may share that trait with others. But I don't see it as my lifestyle. It makes up a very small portion of my lifestyle. You'd be better off labeling my lifestyle as authentic as that encompasses the majority of how I live.
  19. Bobbi

    What does lifelong commitment in parallel poly mean?

    So many things can have too many opinions, so I'll tell you what it means to me. Relationship anarchy means choosing every person in my life. People do not have entitlement to me based on the type of relationship they have with me. My spouse is not automatically at the top, followed by my...
  20. Bobbi

    Need help with Date Night boundaries!

    Yes, it's time to establish some basic courtesy rules. You'll have to decide what works for you. I don't text, call or otherwise communicate with others when I'm spending quality time out. I expect the same from my partners. If they want to get some video or pictures, I have no issues with...
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