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I didn't mean to say that you would do it without his consent. I'm guessing his own words, that you would do it anyway, didn't necessarily mean without his consent. But rather, that you would push and inch forward and bring it up and suggest and etc etc until he caved anyway, so he may as well...

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. But I think he's been quite clear. There's nothing hard to understand here. He was never okay with it. He's very clear on that. Most people aren't okay with their spouse having sex and romances outside the marriage. Why would he lie? Again...

BTW...polyamory is CONSENSUAL. Telling your wife like it or leave it is not really consensual.

If fiction as a source for marital success is to be minimized, then why bring it up at all? Sorry, no, being written by a poly author doesn't count for anything. See, authors get to tell the characters what they're going to feel. OH LOOK, MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR BEHIND...

Reading fiction is not a good basis on which to build a marriage. You started an emotional affair and told your wife of 16 years, who is financially dependent on you and has three children with you, to suck it up, buttercup, take it or leave it and now claim it's her choice and you're a great...

Amen. A thousand likes. When someone lies to me and it's impacting my life, yes, I will find out the truth. I have a huge problem with people who lie to and gaslight others--which is downright abusive--and then get up on their high horse about 'snooping.' Anaminkanon makes many great points...

Have you ever given anyone else a funny look over any of their ideas, behaviors, habits, clothing, or anything else, which you find a little different?

Adding my voice to: Tell the truth. The truth has a way of coming out. Let me repeat that: The truth has a way of coming out. In case that's not clear enough: THE TRUTH HAS A WAY OF COMING OUT. XH lied to me for 17 years about a one night stand. Had he behaved himself in the intervening...

This is one of my sticking points with XBF. He told me it could 'be anything we wanted it to be.' But it turned out his wife was going to be unhappy and cause trouble if we weren't besties, or better yet, sleeping together. I would have been more than willing to try to be friends until she...

I had a similar experience. When I didn't reply using the same words he used, he let me know I'm no good in bed if I don't use that language. Apart from that being a ridiculous correlation...it was the first time I'd texted him, had never met him face to face at all, and he thought it was...

Why in the world not? It seems to me that if we know the vast majority of X fails, that's a fairly good predictor in and of itself. As dinged heart says...would we fly on an airline with a 90% crash record? No, because we can safely predict THE ODDS ARE...they have a crash coming up very...

No, I don't think you HAVE to be friends, either. And I don't think you owe him any explanation. We just don't click with everybody. And I do agree it's a two-way street that he should also not constantly talk about things that make you bored or uncomfortable. I haven't read every word of...

It sounds like you and I have had similar experiences with people who talk endlessly and steamroll over anyone else's attempts to talk. I personally don't put this down to them trying to force me into any gender stereotypes, but more to them being alcoholics and other-ways dysfunctional. I...

I'm looking forward to following your blog. Although I was single and the 'secondary' in a poly relationship--first time I'd ever heard of polyamory although of course the idea of open marriage was hardly new to me--I consider myself neither mono nor poly.

I said: Yes, that's what was said to him. I said: Yes, he was saying that. You are welcome to your opinion on what 'caused friction.' I may or may not agree with you, but it really wasn't what I said. I said he said X and was told Y.

Tone is always hard to judge in writing, so I don't know if you're suggesting that I'm assuming what his wife was feeling. If so, her behavior was pretty clear. It became very obvious I was not allowed in their home, for instance. He'd relayed a couple of things she had said that made it...

Hi, chilichief, Even the most die-hard poly advocates would be telling her she needs to slow down and not push for such a huge change so quickly. That said, I'm very much of the mind that sexual behavior is a matter of behavior, not identity. We all feel and want all sorts of things. That...

As I said on another thread: It seems to me a POLYAMORY forum should be a place to get truthful input, not merely rah-rah it'll all be fine. If someone is going to hike in the Rockies, I'm going to tell them everything I know about it, good and bad. I'm going to tell them the dangers and...

Agreed. For me, XBF and I had some of those. We had a very deep connection and I believe he felt for me as he never has for anyone. BUT...when there was a major crisis in my life, as in damage to home and property, 16 hour days cleaning the mess, trying to save the food in my fridge, etc, I...

I just signed on to respond to a thread in which CTF has essentially been told to keep his 'negativity' to himself. In fact, he is saying largely what you are: that the chances are very high of the poly bomb having detrimental effects. My feeling is that this is a forum 'about' poly, for...