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So your RELATIONSHIP ended ten years ago...a DECADE ago. Just in case I didn't emphasize that enough: a DECADE. TEN YEARS. Yet you continued to sleep with her on and off until five years ago. Yet you try to present the problem--the big RED FLAG--as she wasn't poly when you started. How...

Poly was a new thing to me when I met XBF (Byron). I was told our relationship could be anything we wanted it to be. I was uncomfortable with his wife, but I tried to establish a friendship with her. In hindsight, I believe she expected us to be going on double dates with her and her dom right...

I disagree with your friend. I think it's very normal and very common for people in relationships and marriages to find themselves attracted to others. This isn't 'poly,' it's normal human nature. The difference between 'poly' and monogamous is the choice to act on those feelings and this is...

I also live and work in areas where a great many people don't share my views. Really, you don't have to share political views to be and have friends. Look at the things you have in common with people--other mothers of young children, other people who love to sing, write, draw, paint; a reading...

Would it be equally fair for Rick to want to help you get past your inability or unwillingness to overlook a hot young guy? By saying you want to help him, you are saying there is something wrong with him, something lacking, something that needs fixing. In fact, you are very clear: he's...

Sure she wants it...sure she wants you...sure she wants all she's been getting from you...as long as it remains entirely on her terms. This is not love. I'm glad you walked away from this.

It probably depends on why someone is in a relationship and how long they've been in the relationship. I would imagine most people stay, at least for awhile, when they're in love with their partner. When you love someone, you try to find ways to stay with them and you keep hoping things will...

My feelings, too. Poly prides itself on honesty but the person wasn't upfront about her real place in all of this. She was not a disinterested party, she was in the thick of it, promoting herself/ her side against him without admitting it was herself she was promoting. I can only speak for...

So this girl is only interested in men...but you're thinking of 'inviting' her to be sexual with both you and your girlfriend? Despite the fact she has no desire to have sexual activity with women? You don't see the creep factor in this? Pushing someone to be sexual in a way they don't want to...

No, you don't have a right to know what goes on intimately between other people. If you want voyeurism, there are clubs for that. But the metamour is not obligated to oblige you.

And your position is....? That you wanted him to get sex elsewhere. And then you changed your mind because X, Y, Z. My guess is that she completely gets it. But the fact remains, you said 'go ahead, be more intimate, get closer, get your feelings involved by having sex with each other [because...

What difference does any answer here make? Let's say everyone agrees with you that how T feels or what he wants from his relationship is 'unreasonable.' Now what? Is he really being coercive or did he tell you how he feels about it? Everything we read here at the poly forums is to communicate...

In the interest of mutual communication and concern for each other, Matt will presumably also be saying to OP: There's an assumption here on what his mind set was when he said it. He may have thought he was really okay with it. Many people have thoughts of things they think they'll enjoy. In...

No, it's not for anyone's amusement. It's to paint FV as an abuser. I personally have little interest in him or his current or former partners either way. I have no reason at all to defend him. If anything, the opposite. But I do have an interest in integrity and fair play. And it's...

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Why doesn't he do the personal improvement plan?

Sorry, no, we live in a world where plenty of people are willing to lie about others. And no, the men do not always recover quickly. To say so is as callous and wrong as to flippantly say women who are sexually harassed or women who are raped will recover quickly. Just one instance...

Are you and his wife in a sexual, romantic relationship? That's a triad. If you and his wife are close friends, then you are in a V with him as the hinge.

While I agree with your statement that 'love' cannot be divided, that a person can love, ie, feel the emotion of love, equally strongly for two or more people, we can't separate that in practice from what it is to be involved with someone who is giving half their time and resources to another...

Yep. Until she's not.

He's not very clear in anything. He doesn't tell you what's really going on. In my experience, people who do that are leaving themselves wiggle room. If they change their minds later, they get to claim you misunderstood. Or didn't hear what they said. Or whatever. I personally have little time...