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It's mind-boggling how much can happen in so short a period of time. And people try to do more. I can't imagine. I'm just trying to tread water!

All the little Peas are curled up in bed except SweetPea. (He's taking a teenager break in the garage with a video game.) I hope the pea in a pod stays put too! JUST got a text from Panther. His (older) sister (who lives out of state) is in the ICU. Her kidneys and everything are shutting...

Yes, he knows. Last night one of my kiddos lost another friend to suicide. And today Spicy Pea has been having contractions three minutes apart all day. The doctor has her waiting one more hour and if they don't stop she goes to the hospital. Due to the hole in her cervix, they don't want her...

Kevin, right now I'm pissed off about the job. I just can't say anything else about it. When your job is a higher priority than your physical and mental health, what is the point of anyone being emotionally connected to you? It pisses me off beyond words.

Ironically I got a call from my mom yesterday saying she may be flying up this week. Yesterday I got to see SplitPea for the first time in 3 years 10 months. He's 17 now. As soon as I got there he came running out and into my arms. I missed that boy. On my drive home, the anger and resentment...

I didn't say it. I did say he is being completely psychotic, needs to get to the therapist, and if he doesn't arrange to come home asap I will go to his boss.

Do you ever just reach a point where all you can do is roll your eyes? HOURS of bullshit. False allegations against me (which he took back), drama-filled "I had a reason" to distrust me and Panther (which he didn't) because he "felt" insecure. WHATEVER. Anyway, it all culminates in apologies...

I'm so freaking annoyed and frustrated and exhausted by all of it. I am on the edge of buying a damn one-way plane ticket and returning to Missouri (where my mother just moved) and getting a job. I'm just SICK of being punished for shit that happened well over 5 years ago; for being taken...

Yes, Maca still has issues with me being poly, which is exactly why he confronted Panther, because I told Maca I wanted to change that relationship to FWBs. He got insecure and wanted to control how it went down (his words). He wants anyone I am sexually involved with to "obey" him and his...

Selling the house wouldn't net us enough at this point to be able to buy another place. I am working on paying off bills (medical and vehicle loans) and reducing ones (CC, car insurance). That will help somewhat with finances. Unfortunately, vehicles will come into play. In Kodiak all...

The change isn't in perception, it is in circumstance. I can't be the sole coordinator/organizer/boss AND do school. I changed MY role. They SAID they were completely behind the change because the long-term benefits far outweighed the immediate responsibility. However, Maca can not take on any...

Yes, Kevin. Maca is relatively good at being supportive and helpful, EXCEPT he has MAJOR insecurity issues and always has. Whenever he goes out of town everyone and everything is suspect, every FB post, every delayed reply to a text, every word, every minute. GG has always been good at...

Me either, Kevin. But I don't know what to do. Each person needs to do their own self improvement, yes? I am trying to focus on mine. I admit it is difficult.

Dinged, they have a right to talk about their thoughts. But I hadn't suggested to Panther that I wanted to consider changing our relationship. I went to Maca about it per our boundary agreement. He jumped the gun and told Panther himself. THAT is what pissed me off. It's not his place to go to...

I have two poly-friendly counselors, and I have an appointment next week, but I've already been in touch. :) I am working hard at taking charge of myself and my issues before they get out of hand. I'm not suicidal and I don't feel like I need to be in care, but I am keeping that door open...

Panther Currently he's avoiding me. Between Maca flying off the handle and contacting him (before I had) with "Do you want a sexual relationship with my wife?" and the ensuing conversation (which I found out about a day later), & GG's bullshit, he's asked me to give him space. I'm not...

Thanks, A. I am frustratedly counting days. I leave again the 28th. I do appreciate the hugs and support, even from far away.

I know. I pay attention. He hasn't been tapping into any resource. He's been moping around his room when he isn't working.

"I CAN'T have anything to do with you. You have shit to handle, shit that isn't handled, that is damaging to me. It's dragged on and on and on and on to the point where now I CAN NOT keep myself safe anymore. Your feelings, your needs, your problems, your fears, your war, your torture, your...

Every single day this week he has left me a message, in spite of my specific request to be left alone for now. He just can't stop. I'm so damn exhausted emotionally. It's not healthy. He is so caught up in his own little world he is oblivious to the fact that the rest of us have our OWN...