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Just wanted you all to know I went to my doctor and he is doing a full medical and a psych evaluation. I'm sleeping more often and eating more often and my work and home life hasn't been affected. He wasn't overly concerned because of these reasons, but likes to be thorough and I am agreeing to...

Feeling good in this moment. First long moment in a very long time. It lasted seven hours. A record in the last couple of months. Going to sleep with a smile and some peace.

Yes'm. Doing my best.

Good point, BG. I did name her something, but I have forgotten what, at this point. I shall call her June. Please remind me if I forget again.

I have a big week this week. Mono is away for two or three nights and I plan to use the time to totally distract myself and have a good time and relax. I am going to his female friend's house tomorrow night to watch something with her and drink beer. The next day, I am meeting my new mono...

Rip it all down fits entirely. A total renovation is what I feel like creating. A move to another house, even. I am weighing it all up and deciding what is affordable and what I can make do with. Also what I want to keep. This too shall pass.

The doc might help, sure. I'm a deep processor. Freaky, isn't it? No one can help really, except to acknowledge I am here and will live. It takes about three months to get through a trauma. I've had a few this year and I always get through them. This will be no different. You'll see. Apparently...

I was joking. Although, even though I was being sarcastic, it has crossed my mind. Maybe I'm not poly, after all. Maybe this is where it all changes for me. I always thought it wouldn't be forever. Who knows? I will keep you posted.

Good thing you think so because I'm rubbing people the wrong way. :eek: I had a rage house clean last night. PN is walking around oohing and ahhing over the pretty house. Mono just sat and watched and didn't say a word. I raged at him for a bit, but he was having nothing of it. Smart man. This...

It comes down to this: I don't want to be poly any more. I want to be free of it. I'm stuck with it for now. I don't want to share Mono. I'm stuck with that. I don't want to do most of the things going on in my life right now, and I have to. No amount of medication is going to change that...

Maybe you are right. I am no expert, either. I do know that when no one is around and I am grounded, when I've done my self talk and have found a way to smile, I'm okay. For longer times. I am going through it. It's hard. I will go to the doctor if it gets worse, but it's not yet. I would like...

I don't get how to do poly wih this state of mind. It seems pointless and almost laughable. Maybe I will get it eventually. I feel nothing. No love for anyone, nor much care either. I'm completely on my own, as far as I can tell. I wonder if anyone notices from the outside. I feel as if I am...

I'm learning to be separate and in my body. It's coming. I had sex and did it only for me. No connection to my partner. It was strange. Empowering and sad at the same time. Practice I will help, I guess.

Thanks. I hope that's what I'm doing. There isn't a lot of talking going on. Well. None. I fear bringing anything up, actually. I guess I need a break from processing it all. I don't know what anyone is doing and feeling and trying to be okay with that. It feels very unnatural to me.

My life is quiet these days. Lots of time to think and gather myself. I am enjoying riding on the back of Mono's bike and planning trips and seeing who comes out of the woodwork when I am more available. My walks to through the forest are invaluable, as are small moments of remembering what its...

How is this relating to unicorns? Back on topic please.

I've spent time with Derby, Brad and several other people these last weeks. The strength of friendship is building again, I think, and plans for the summer are being made. It's been quite a spring. I'm looking forward to new beginnings and stretching my circle of friends and spending time with...

LR, You are a wise woman and I am grateful you understand my journey in the way you do. I have been walking, talking, moving through the feelings and telling Mono every step of the way. We are making plans as a family and as a couple, and that has helped. That was Mono's plan and he was...

Thanks for the quote by Cleo. Its very moving and contains moments I have had. Its true. I have no control. Its not like I don't know that. This is bigger than Mono and what he is doing. I seem to be going through a huge shift in who I believe myself to be. I have lost control on all levels. Of...

Yup. All of it. The cloud will lift, is lifting. I still don't have the sleep thing down. I have noticed that a large part of how I feel and cope revolves around sleep. It's made me feel hopeful and less serious about my opinions and thought process.