Search results

Yes and that cost, or costs (mainly time, energy and attention) are spread across every relationship someone has, even pets, or maybe more so pets where others can pick up the slack. Everything gets recalibrated, whether consciously or subconsciously. I'd argue it’s part emotional management...

Id invite you to reread post #13 Do you or does anyone know the stat on the failure rate of poly bombed marriages of over 10-12 yrs ?? Why is this relevant? .. because if memory serves thats what the OP was dealing with…..ON TOP of his wife having ADHD. TYPICALLY what we see in these poly...

Are you taking this as a “win“? From where I sit, she might also be doing poly under duress. I think the term "nesting partner" has become popular, as to replace the hierarchical loaded label of primary partner. I think both have the expectation of a romantic and sexual relationship with said...

I’m curious as to why you'd want to be around her family, or they wouldn’t want to be around you, after their daughter got caught having an affair. Is there some bad blood there? I’m not trying to throw gas on an already-burning fire, but wouldn’t you being in Costa Rica, and her and the kids at...

How did this affect dating or relationships you had? Have you ever married? Over time? How much time? Or should I say, how many years has it taken to overcome this? Congratulations. 👍😁

Typically in these cheating hack stories, there’s mention of some counseling or therapy to bridge the breach of trust and betrayal. In this it sounds like that didn’t happen, and the solution was poly, or some agreed-upon quasi-limited contact meet-ups. How long had her affair gone on before...

Being married almost 30 yrs, are you saying the monogamous structure of marriage was traumatizing, or it was you and the demands you imposed? Were opening up/swinging/polyamory some sort of rebellion against all restrictions? I would also suggest the article "The Most Skipped Step...

I'd recommend you both read up on “poly hell," which was an article published by Kathy Labriola. It basically discusses the consequences of unchecked NRE.

Hi. Welcome to the forum. 😁 To me, this sounds like this could be a substantial issue or problem because you would be rewriting the romantic structure of your relationship. What does kind of known actually mean? That you’d enjoyed dating around in the past, and didn’t get too attached to any...

To me, this is an interesting and complex issue/question/problem. I myself never experienced any extreme bodily reactions, but I have chatted with many that have had panic attacks and nausea. Many I have spoken to have expressed the need for a cooling off period upon returning from a lover, so...

Yes, I’m sure. I don’t think that was ever in question. And with these kind of endeavors, it will serve him well.

Look forward to hearing how things worked out for you and the clan 👍😁

Hi and welcome to the forum. 👍 Have you set a date for the wedding? I'd strongly suggest you get the structure of your relationship nailed down before you tie the knot, because it’s expensive after the fact. I'd also strongly suggest both you and your fiancé take some time to educate...

I’m very confused on how you came to that conclusion. I think you contributed a great deal of substance. What the hell does this mean? My questions “of no substance“ are antithetical to WHAT? Sorry you feel that way. I was merely trying to understand. Someone’s got a hair trigger. What about...

Sorry, I’ve been consumed with other matters in life. When would you advise building such structure, before or during a new NRE situation? How would or should a spouse differentiate between something looking like neglect and actually being neglected, or the family being neglected? This might...

Here’s what I wrote and YOU quoted: To me, this sounds like a good deal of work on the ADHD person's part, and it seems counterintuitive that someone experiencing 3-10x NRE is going to do. I was trying to connect the various concepts in play with the OP’s situation. I believe he was poly bombed...

To me, this sounds like a good deal of work on the ADHD person's part, and it seems counterintuitive that someone experiencing 3-10x NRE is going to do. What do you mean by “anchor" the excitement? The purpose of check-ins is to offload excitement or blunt excitement? Strategies are for...

So it’s NRE times what-- 3? 10? I would think entering into a poly setup might have a negative effect on job performance and other aspects of life, as well. To me what you’re describing is amplification, mostly the same challenges, just a higher intensity. And you think that responsibility...

Do you have other partners as well? Can you share all the rewarding aspects so people can get an idea of balancing the good with some of the not so good? You might want to try harder consequences when it’s happening. I’ll suggest there was no real consequence other than getting a stern...

Hi and welcome to the forum. How long have you been in the RA dynamic? And how many other poly relationships have you been in? Perhaps you’re not cut out for RA and you need to do a needs inventory and tweak the dynamic to meet those needs. That’s a natural human reaction and the most often...