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I have had sort a deeply-connected spiritual experience for a very long time (through nearly every channel available to me) and never found it until, of all places, through AA. Solid logic and science don't do it for me. Sifting through teachings, and working out what is right for me and what...

The best thing piece of advice I have heard over poly relationships of any kind was given by Neon Kaos recently (sorry don't ask me where). She said (paraphrasing)"Treat others as you would like to be treated and don't let others treat you any differently" This is where I am at the moment...

Thanks for explaining that, Magdlyn. I always forget about context. But still I think that the "one flesh" statement seems a bit like over-kill if it was only supposed to be used to prevent unfair divorce. I'm certainly not going to read the whole bible, if that's what you meant, so maybe I...

I agree Mono about external pressures holding relationships together that should be let go. The whole thing around not monos and polys not pursuing relationships is really tricky though. Poly makes sense to many monos on an intellectual level and I've even had polyamorous feelings myself, so...

Thanks NYC Yes exactly that was the realisation I had this morning. All the "potentials" are putting me off. Maybe this is the next growth step for me and I should just open my mind to it. Bottom line most monos (I know there are a few exceptions), only ever get to a place of tolerance at best...

I recently put up a survey on the yahoo mono/poly and poly/mono boards. The results were very interesting.It's still going on so I haven't collated it yet but there is a very disturbing trend. Monos in poly relationships are generally not very happy, no matter how hard they work at it, not in...

I'm trying to reconcile spiritual beliefs with polyamory at the moment. How do you reconcile Jesus supposed words 'man and woman becoming one flesh'? (It's something like that. I can pull out the exact verse if need be.) The other biggie for me is Jesus likening a couple to being a pair of...

Very glad to hear it :)

Hi Are you wanting reassurances, guarantees or strategies to prevent this fear of yours happening? Sorry, but there are no guarantees, not about this, not about much in life actually, except maybe having your toaster replaced if it's faulty. I have heard of it happening although I wasn't close...

Sounds like you have it all pretty sorted. How is Jan going to cope with you being long distance? It's one thing coming to terms with a poly partner when you're mono but quite another to be long distance and especially when another love is physically closer. I wouldn't want to try it.

Hi Katactor I could be wrong but I don't know if there is a glossary on here. If there is it will be a sticky somewhere. If you google polyamory though you'll come across xeromag and he has a good one on his site. Jealousy is a very funny beast. My relationship has been poly/mono (only my...

You sound much happier Ari, I'm really pleased. :)

Excellent thread guys. Some really insightful discussion. This is the crux of it for me. Quoting Overthinker: Like I said, "tip of the iceberg," and Grounded Spirit (such wisdom) expanded on. Overthinker has a very precariously-balanced relationship that only seems to be able to function if...

Well said, TL4everu2. I'd rather be a snooper than a liar. I had to write my last post on this thread in a hurry. After I'd pushed send I thought, "Hey, wait a minute." I can let my snoopy behaviour go now, because Z has been very trustworthy for the past 5 months. But prior to that, he did...

I seem to have raised two very conservative kids. They both know about Z but don't want me have another relationship. My 20 year old was extremely concerned that I might be bi and made me promise that I wouldn't ever go there. I found this strange because she's got lesbian friends, but I...

OK, no more snooping. But it is interesting that all you guys who are so against it are very poly. Changing boundaries is a very difficult thing to manage. I do feel a great deal of empathy for Overthinker. I "innocently" found a lot of very romantic texts when Z gave me an old phone of his...

lol AT's response just shows how different relationships are and how they are reflections of the people in them. I wouldn't want to be with someone who needed to keep secrets and had parts of his life closed off to me. Of course, I would respect specific sensitive issues. But generally for me...

It sounds like you are in a quad relationship to try and make an otherwise struggling relationship work. Good luck with that. Sorry if that sounds harsh. My heart goes out to you. I can't even suggest where to start. Can you see that this issue is like the tip of the iceberg?

Hi Overthinker, I'm an overthinker too. It's getting messy, isn't it? Any relationship is only as good as the honesty that holds it up, and that's even more true of polyamorous relationships. How can you release boundaries if you're both lying to each other? If you want this relationship to...

Interesting thread!! My current relationship is perfect for me. I have never loved so much or felt as loved. It started out as poly/mono so that's quite a feat; some so-called experts say that poly/mono relationships are doomed to failure. It hasn't always been easy but I like that, I like that...