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You could take him at his word. He probably doesn't know until he's experienced things.

Well, no one HAS done anything wrong. I was just trying to put in in terms you were using. You both were naive and handled it, well, perhaps not as well as you could have. But your feelings aren't WRONG. However, it doesn't seem like you and he feel you can really talk to each other without...

In a normal, healthy poly relationship, everyone contributes in some way. A 27 yr old with an interest in a 63 year old, who does not contribute financially in any way and, when asked, simply marries another bank account to help contribute to the other family, is using whoever she can for...

Sounds lovely!

OP, Do you understand what YOU did wrong? If you don't, there's no reason for your husband to communicate with you.

Just how old was this woman?

So long as those boundaries are realistic. Love doesn't happen overnight. Unless the relationship between the OP and her husband was extremely poor, there had to have been signs that she picked up on. Did he make mistakes? Yes. But opening your relationship up means you should EXPECT...

That's very unfair. It's scary and difficult to admit that you've fallen in love with someone in that position. My metamour accused me and my partner of cheating, simply for having feelings, DESPITE having a boyfriend of her own. The more she pressed us, the more we shoved those feelings...

God, it's frustrating when people think men don't need emotional connections in addition to sexual.

If your metamour is that bad, why is your wife still with her? It's one thing not to get along with a metamour but I would consider it very disrespectful of my partner to stay with a partner who hates me and is physically violent.

Be considerate of everyone around you and trust that they will do the same for you. Some will, some will screw you over. That's life. Assess your needs and communicate them in a way that isn't being demanding, but simply assertive. No tips or tricks beyond that!

Pretty much all this. Let her go off with them for the holidays. And if they have to be at your house, then let them and don't let your metamour control your interactions with your wife or anyone else. If she wants to be around you, while you're acting all lovey and kissing your wife, than...

Sigh, I hope you realize how lucky you are. I wanted what you have so badly...and, well, I will get it, soon, but I had to create it myself out of chaos and destruction :) Honestly, don't worry so much about communication. You really have an awesome handle on it. Just assess your own...

And a lot of times friendship/sex is okay, but love is not. It's reasonable to think the wife may object/veto the relationship on that. I am the type to want to fight against a veto, but if she does and he allows it, well, there's nothing to be done. However, you don't seem particularly...

It sounds like you want to take this relationship to a different, not level, but a different kind of relationship than originally agreed to. Hence, the need for a conversation (assuming you and he care about staying on good terms with her). Am I reading you right?

Try waiting four years for the "right" time....

Swinging to poly is a tough transition, but if it's worth it, you'll know it. The feeling of truly being yourself and letting everything else wash away and being completely vulnerable with the person or persons you love....and showing yourself for everything you are and being loved back for...

What kind of configuration do you have? How long have you been together? It's hard to say why he's feeling reticent without that. What kind of person is he? Some people here are more Relationship Anarchists, and it may be he just prefers less structure and more spontaneity.

And the trickle opens up... The last series of dates was a complete wash, but I've been flirting online with a cute gamer girl, he's found a promising new girlfriend (a doctor in her early 30s), and an old crush has settled into our lives and wants a date this Thursday. After three weeks...

It depends on how picky you are and how hard you search. My partner was TEN YEARS since his last girlfriend (he was attached to his other partner the whole time). And I'm probably the first who will last (his other girlfriends lasted for about five years apiece, but were disintegrating by the...