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Mags, I agree with a lot of the comments you've been making on various threads recently re "sexual performance", e.g. There is social pressure to be able to get or maintain an erection, and there is unwarranted stigma around this To view sex as merely "putting on a show" for another person...

This is a really good topic. I wonder whether there's a poly (or maybe non-monogamous) bubble around this issue? I've had weird reactions from doctors too. Including my GP (who I otherwise liked) who told me that I shouldn't need to get tested unless I was having sex with people I didn't...

Hope you enjoy your family time! Now I'm craving hot pot...

Another reader here too, and also hail from NZ in part though I live across the ditch these days. Glad that Adam's work situation improved for you. I like how you negotiated a way to "close the gap" with Puck socially somewhat. Easter isn't that long away at all!

Or - do use a metronome! I dunno, that could be kinda hot

It strikes me that a lot of what you mentioned in terms of feeling incompetent are preferences rather than incompetencies. Oral sex - you don't want to have to move very fast with your mouth. Manual sex - you don't enjoy moving fast or having them move in your hand. Slipping out - you don't...

Well, I wouldn't complain if a sexual partner was interested / focused on my pleasure. Not necessarily orgasm-focused, but taking cues from my desires as much as I would be taking cues from theirs. What is annoying is when a partner drowns out what I actually want with their ideas of what I...

I'll add my voice to the "good on you for sticking to your sexual health boundaries" chorus. I'm amazed at how many people accuse someone else of something that seems more relevant a criticism of themselves. Mr Exotic's take on this comes across as the risky option to me. It's not even a "pot...

Hey thanks, Vicki and Evie! Car issues will be expensive to fix, unfortunately. Well - nothing to be done. Will need to budget pretty carefully in next few months but it's not devastating. I've got a fair amount of straggly admin tasks to get through in the next couple of months. Kids are...

Full steam ahead We're having car issues these days, which might be quite expensive in the end. Car at the mechanic again today, we'll see how it goes. Hopefully it's all investing into a better future car rather than pouring money down a sink hole. (I've definitely done that before.) One thing...

Glad you asked again, and got a yes!

Maybe I'm misremembering the phrasing but the concept made sense to me. I.e. would it be appropriate in the context, to everyone involved? Inappropriate times could be: during a work interview. Cuddling your mum. I did like the alternative way of looking at it. Don't have a clear definition myself.

A friend of mine defined sex as "any activity where if you had an orgasm it would be socially acceptable". There's probably exceptions to this but I thought it wasn't a bad definition

Thanks for the reminder Mags. I was considering reporting PN too. I didn't remember the process off-hand.

Hey Leetah, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! I agree, I think I should have phrased it better with my cousin. Rather than saying that I wouldn't be offended (I didn't think I would be, but I wasn't sure! And obviously I was wrong about that) I should have come up with something...

Got some emotional processing to do, so thought I'd write. A cousin of mine is getting married next year and the invites just came out. It was a website invite so it didn't specify who the invitation was for. I'm relatively close to this cousin, but she's always been uncomfortable with my...

JPoly - have either of your partners asked you for suggestions to improve this aspect of what's happening? Or do you feel a sense of obligation to help because you do on some level feel like it's a problem "caused" by you? If the latter, maybe you can ask them directly whether they want your...

Hmm I read the OP as saying that the co-worker is leaving to work somewhere else next year

"Meeting the parents" can be a big step in any kind of relationship... What are you most nervous about? What would be the worst outcome, and how would it impact your relationship (if at all)? Is your boyfriend out as poly to his parents? If not, be prepared to become the symbol of poly to his...

Wooh! I just completed a major step in a project I've been working on for over two years. A print journal with contributions from people I know. The concept is a print version of a "bring a dish" dinner. It has a few articles, photos, poems and it looks really good. Did the final print today, so...