fuchka
Active member
Hey Leetah, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
I agree, I think I should have phrased it better with my cousin. Rather than saying that I wouldn't be offended (I didn't think I would be, but I wasn't sure! And obviously I was wrong about that) I should have come up with something different. What I was trying to express is that I valued her honesty more than any hurt I may feel (if any) about this. I really wanted to get a true sense of her comfort level than her having to say yes out of a sense of obligation. But then how I phrased it did mean that she wasn't to know that it was actually important to me. Anyway it's done now and I'm not going to rehash it, she'll have enough other things to think about.
Re: talking with her later about the family's views... maybe. I guess I'd want to have a clear idea of what I hope to achieve by that. An "I'm not happy with your discomfort" conversation doesn't make too much sense to me. Maybe you mean something else? I've decided to keep some relationships (not many, but a few. Mainly family) that are important to me despite the fact that those people do not fully accept me, my life choices or my family. I like these people independently, a lot, and have buckets of love for them. I take a "live and let live" attitude to it. Would it be helpful to tell them it hurts, for them to be weird about Ocean, etc? Not sure. It wouldn't make them embrace him again, for example. And it's not going to be a deal-breaker for me, in relating to them. I don't turn to them for emotional support, so it's not shaky for me in that way. We share other things together.
I hear you regarding taking the kids along. I took the younger one to the engagement, she had a great time. It's about 1.5 hours air travel and I think it'll be fun for both of them. I travel with them quite a lot and they like the change of scene. Also their cousins will be there and it will be a nice catch-up in that way. I'm thinking of forming an alliance with my dad, who I get along with, and who will likely be dragged along to the event by my mum (whose brother is the father of my cousin getting married). If we can get some separate accommodation and hang out together for the event it would be fun I think. If not that, some other plan.
I usually don't mind attending events by myself but with the two kids it won't be fun if I don't have a support plan. And if I don't figure something out, I'll definitely leave the kids behind! You're right, nothing worse that to be dragged along to a stressful event for no reason!
You probably shouldn’t tell people that you will not be hurt by something when in fact you will be.
I agree, I think I should have phrased it better with my cousin. Rather than saying that I wouldn't be offended (I didn't think I would be, but I wasn't sure! And obviously I was wrong about that) I should have come up with something different. What I was trying to express is that I valued her honesty more than any hurt I may feel (if any) about this. I really wanted to get a true sense of her comfort level than her having to say yes out of a sense of obligation. But then how I phrased it did mean that she wasn't to know that it was actually important to me. Anyway it's done now and I'm not going to rehash it, she'll have enough other things to think about.
Re: talking with her later about the family's views... maybe. I guess I'd want to have a clear idea of what I hope to achieve by that. An "I'm not happy with your discomfort" conversation doesn't make too much sense to me. Maybe you mean something else? I've decided to keep some relationships (not many, but a few. Mainly family) that are important to me despite the fact that those people do not fully accept me, my life choices or my family. I like these people independently, a lot, and have buckets of love for them. I take a "live and let live" attitude to it. Would it be helpful to tell them it hurts, for them to be weird about Ocean, etc? Not sure. It wouldn't make them embrace him again, for example. And it's not going to be a deal-breaker for me, in relating to them. I don't turn to them for emotional support, so it's not shaky for me in that way. We share other things together.
I hear you regarding taking the kids along. I took the younger one to the engagement, she had a great time. It's about 1.5 hours air travel and I think it'll be fun for both of them. I travel with them quite a lot and they like the change of scene. Also their cousins will be there and it will be a nice catch-up in that way. I'm thinking of forming an alliance with my dad, who I get along with, and who will likely be dragged along to the event by my mum (whose brother is the father of my cousin getting married). If we can get some separate accommodation and hang out together for the event it would be fun I think. If not that, some other plan.
I usually don't mind attending events by myself but with the two kids it won't be fun if I don't have a support plan. And if I don't figure something out, I'll definitely leave the kids behind! You're right, nothing worse that to be dragged along to a stressful event for no reason!