Friends and lovers


Thanks PinkPig, Mags, Vicki and Evie!

Breastfeeding is going well thanks, Mags. I was actually thinking of you as I remember you having a background in lactation support. Fortunately (for me now) I had some breastfeeding challenges with Fern which I was able to overcome with help from lactation consultants, so I have some confidence in troubleshooting some common problems.

What I find myself craving is adult connections. It doesn't matter if they are other parents or not, but I don't want to talk about babies and kids. Or at least, not only about them. I feel I am still building my social network here, even though we moved to this city nearly 10 years ago now.

I have had patches of feeling a bit lonely these days. Lobe feels he has lost himself these past couple of months and his life is a blur of childcare and work. No quality Lobe time. The downtime he does have is mostly zoning out. We haven't had that much connection time. It was a bit blah during the day a couple of days ago, but we managed some chill time together after Elf and Fern went to bed. Since then it has been better.

He starts back half time at work tomorrow. He took just under two weeks 'off' for baby leave but he still was linked in to work a wee bit during this time. Last night he said that it feels like he's run a marathon... He does get jumped on by the older two first thing in the morning (often they wake him up) and it continues incessantly until he finally sleeps (often while putting them to sleep).

On the upside, I've been hanging out more in Ocean's space as it's the warmer part of the house so the best place for Gnome to nap during the day. I've enjoyed the excuse to invade his zone more. He is quite precious about his sleep but I've managed to score a couple of nights sleeping part of the night there with Gnome too :D It's been cosy.

Well anyway it's 2.30am here. Had to get up for a change and feed. Gnome is sleeping on me so soundly now It seems like they would stay asleep if I lay them down... Fingers crossed.


11.30pm and I'm exhausted. Was a tiring day today. Had a work thing crop up (a client of our service is also a friend so got sucked into a work thing via them). Don't resent it but used up some of my me-time on that, so not much left.

Gnome is progressing well. He seems to be transitioning towards sleeping more at night, which is nice.

A couple of nights ago (eve of winter solstice here) I camped out under the stars with Fern. It was a clear night and the stars were gorgeous.

Yesterday I had a funny exchange with Lobe. Lobe has an impressive collection of gadgets and electronics. I accidentally cut through an electric cable and it needed repairing. He had all the little bits and bobs we needed to fix it up and it was done in just a few minutes. Later on, he was trying out a new recipe. It required several specific ingredients. Luckily I have an impressive (and well organised) spice collection and it took me hardly any time to pull out everything he needed. I liked the symmetry of that.

Ocean is finally on semester break. He felt like doing some drawing in the holidays and I introduced him to a local art supplies shop to pick up some nice paper.

I often talk about the nice moments on this blog, but we have friction too. One of the hardest things for me is when Ocean is annoyed by something Lobe is doing. (It doesn't seem to happen the other way around... Or at least not in the same way). Recently Lobe has been stashing empty packing boxes in the laundry, which sometimes blocks shelves and occasionally the entrance. It is annoying but I know that Lobe deals with it eventually and he is pretty time poor (like me) and just does his best with stuff. Ocean gets more frustrated than me, but he very rarely raises anything with Lobe directly and he hasn't said anything about the boxes yet. He has told me, though, but I haven't said anything to Lobe.

In the past I've let Ocean know that I'm not comfortable being a middle person to pass messages like this on. But it's been a while since I clarified this directly. I think it's healthier for household dynamics for conversations like this to happen directly with the person involved. If you were living with a close friend and their partner, all tenants sharing the rent, bills, etc, and their partner was doing something that annoyed you, would it be weird to complain to your friend rather than their partner... ? Not sure that's a helpful analogy.

Mm. I was hoping to get more energy having a cup of tea and sitting down for a bit but I think I need to go to bed. Darn. I wanted to do some cooking! Maybe I'll get a chance tomorrow morning. Or perhaps a magical second wind will lift me.


I misplaced my phone in the house for a couple of weeks, and loved it! I only missed it a couple of times when I needed it to do two-factor authentication as part of admin tasks. Those times I had to figure out a work-around.

My phone battery is on its last legs; I might wait a while to fix that as a way to force me to continue my relatively phone-less life. I don't have the self discipline to restrict without a real restriction. I need to set up some trap for myself in order to stick to my goals.

Family life is good. Gnome is growing well. It's amazing to think that every additional gram is fuelled entirely by breastmilk (at this stage). He's extremely low-fuss so far, which is a blessing. We haven't yet managed to take a new family photo of the six of us. Perhaps this weekend I will set up a tripod and make a concerted effort.

Last year around midwinter I made a bread and butter pudding out of frozen bread-ends. This year I did the same, using bread ends from the whole year (nearly 1kg worth!). I like activities that involve mixing or remaking items from the whole family. It's one of the reasons I love looking at the laundry line (in our house, a rotary clothes line) with all our washing on it. It's a hodgepodge of all of our clothes - different colours, sizes and styles. I find it beautiful to look at. Even if there's not much sun in the day I enjoy putting the clothes out to dry, partly for that reason.

I'm fortunate to have a very happy home life in these lockdown times. Although I'm lacking in sleep, there's a lot of love and joy in the house at the moment.

Oh, we got a new dining table too. It's a square one that comfortably seats six. Our previous table was a little circular one from when we lived in a smaller flat. It only had official spots for four seats, so since Elf it's been a squash. Having room for proper meals has increased the homeliness factor considerably. I'm doing most of the cooking at the moment (by choice; it's my main regular "creative outlet" these days) and I've enjoyed serving things up a bit nicer on the Big Table (130x130 cm... So, small still, but much bigger than previous, which was approx 1m diameter). I've even got the table mats out that were wedding gifts to me and Ocean 10 years ago. They look great!


Active member
This is a beautiful update!

Love the details about the laundry line hodgepodge & making bread pudding from a year's worth of bread ends. There's a creative nonfiction essay to be written there! Or a poem or something.


MeeraReed - a very belated thanks for your encouragement. I actually have tried to reply twice before. Once I took so long composing a post that the whole site upgraded while I was still typing it, and I only noticed when I tried to post - whoops. That went bye bye. Then recently I typed something else up but I must have got pulled away and that one got buried in my too-many-tabs.

The most serious lockdown in my city (curfew at night, only leave the house for an hour per day within 5km for exercise, schools and childcare closed etc) lasted 8 weeks or so and it was HARD. Ocean dropped back on his course work and Lobe took a couple of extra days off work per week so we could manage it. The joyful part was loving the people I live with. We are a happy family, really.

Restrictions are easing here getting into summer.

My cousin who was to get married in March shifted the wedding to Boxing Day. It's in another city - we've decided that we will all travel (the six of us) just before Christmas so we can be together for Christmas Day. Ocean will come to the wedding with me and the kids. I've got flights up for us to travel altogether, but not sure yet about the return journey. Lobe / Ocean might come back first.

Ocean and Lobe are working directly together more which I like. Still only when necessary but even a little bit eases things on me. I've started learning the flute; I just had my first in-person lesson (it's all been via Zoom up til now). I settled Gnome before leaving (he's nearly 6 months old now!!) and Lobe and Ocean took Fern and Elf to bed respectively. I can hear the gentle story-telling cadence of Lobe's voice upstairs; sounds like he's still putting Fern to sleep. The rest of the house is very still. I think Ocean's gone out for a walk.

In "poly news" (sort of) I had an insightful chat with Lobe about comfort levels with me having other sexual partners. I'm still officially closed (by choice) as I wanted to simplify things for my relating with Lobe (who has a strong personal preference for being mono and had to adjust a lot to accommodate my non-monogamy). Lobe says he needs an exit strategy to feel ok with me seeing other people. At the moment we have a written agreement of how we separate our shared home if any of us wanted to exit the shared living situation but we haven't figured out anything more beyond that. Lobe said he would need to have a plan of how to extract himself from the household, if he wasn't coping with any dynamics around any other relationships I may have in the future. This makes a lot of sense and I have no need to rush things at all. I've got plenty to focus on, kids especially. It's just nice to keep the conversation open because I definitely don't want to default to a polyfi thing forever. I would agree with that if I saw a reason to, though. I don't want to break up with Lobe just over that. But being open to intimacy and potentially sex with others is a "would really like to have!" for me and worth working towards. Slowly.