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That's a hard one to answer really. I mean, his illness was definitely on my mind, but in my opinion, I wouldn't say I was preoccupied with it. I probably was during key moments, like before or after his operation, or whenever he had some major test & was waiting for results, as well as his last...

Yes, some people are like that. And maybe it's not always intentional, but there definitely seems to be a need like that from her. I've spoken with a couple of friends over the course of the last year or so about this, and sufficed to say, I'm not the only one who noticed it.

No apologies necessary. You didn't do anything to make me feel worse. I had already contemplated that angle. The night my wife broke the news to me, I didn't get a wink of sleep. And counting from the time I woke up that morning on the day of, I was awake for 40 solid hours. Lot's of time to...

Yes and no. I do see him as the beginning of the storm, and the storm did go on for a long time. But now, I'd say rather than being in a storm, I'm kind of just floating out to see in a damaged boat, and not all that concerned with trying to paddle back.

Yes, her diagnosis does include OCD. And the washing machine is one example out of many. New car, new house, etc... While there are parallels to help understand the disorder itself, it doesn't help me to consider jersey like the washing machine. Or, let me put it this way, it makes me feel worse...

They kind of happened around the same time. The poly talk, where she revealed it to me came about 4 months after she quit her job, but she was talking about it a lot in the around that time. The timeline went essentially like this. Oct/Nov, 2014, she reconnects with jersey. Jan 2015, my dad...

That all makes a lot of sense. And at times, I do find myself avoiding heavy engagement. Especially when she went on this house hunting binge. It's weird, she gets this idea into her head, then obsesses over it until the message is clear that it ain't happening. And for a period of time, I...

Trust me, I would not bash you for saying such a thing. I happen to agree with you. As for the pills, I understand that some people can benefit by them. What I noticed, however, was that they seemed to be worse for her. Initially, she was going to therapy 3-4 days a week. Between group session...

It's a fair question. But our kids are older. My youngest will be 16 in November.

Right... My kids are 21 (almost 22), 20 and 15 (almost 16)

She's been out of work for about 1 1/2 years now. Since Feb, 2015. And yeah, I do feel much in the caretaker role. Which I don't mind when necessary, but it's been a constant for all this time. You might be right in that that could be part of why I don't feel the sexual tingles, it is hard when...

I believe it. The problem is, that here they really focus on pushing the pills.

Basically, watch tv/movies & play on the computer. She will occasionally do a few things around the house, but we're talking maybe a load of laundry, a load of dishes once a week. She'll cook dinner once, sometimes twice in a week.

I understand. And thank you for the support. A big thanks to all of you. I'm not saying there's no hope for us. There may be, and to be fair, I think there's a part of me allowing for that. But I just feel so drained that I'm almost numb. And to top it all off, I get the crying phone call from...

No, you pretty much nailed it.

That's a very fair question. I guess in the beginning, I thought maybe it was workable. Without physical activity, it wasn't the end of the world. But I actually have been asking myself that question more & more as of late. The truth is, I can't confidently say that I will be in the not too...

It may be unusual... Unfortunately, in my case, it's what happened. Especially after talking to a couple of her friends about it. Hell, she even managed to convince our 20 year old (at the time) daughter that I ought to "be accepting of who (she is)" As for me, I am very aware that this goes...

That's very true. And while sexual health is important, I generally don't like to use that as the issue. Everyone could be clean as a whistle, and I'm still not down with the idea. Often times, making sure everyone of free of STDs & ensuring against pregnancy are just seen as negotiating points.

That's true. That is an option and should always be considered. Personally, that's what I wish should have happened, but there are people, my wife included, act as though saying nothing, is a form of denying who they are. And then of course, you get the "I've said nothing for years, I 'needed'...

I get what you're saying. I totally do. And I fully understand that these feelings often pop up without much of a warning, and some people may feel guilty about it & wish they didn't have those feelings. So yeah, they can either indulge it in secret, or communicate honestly about it. I think...