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That's a lot. I hope you feel a bit better getting it out. It kind of sounds like you are realizing that you are a late in life lesbian, and realizing that you want co-primary, if you do polyamory, while your husband wants veto power and a primary-secondary model, with him as primary. So it's...

I could be wrong, but it sounds like both of you assumed things instead of actually talking and checking in, and it turned out one assumed one way, and the other assumed the other way. Partner: “We never actually closed, even though nobody was dating other people. I still have my historical...

As for your questions: A) Why does it have to start right away as a triad? Couldn't it be (e.g.,) your wife dates X for a year, and if it pans out, and people are okay with it, X dates you as well, the year after that? Like, it starts as a V and it becomes a triad over time, rather than an...

I can see you are thinking some things out. So good. But your wife may not want polyamory at all. She may want polyamory but not a triad. She may want something like a V or fully separate relationships instead. None of those outcomes are unusual or unlikely. A triad is the easiest to imagine...

I'm sorry that happened. Ok. Sometimes grief pops up. Like, you notice it when it does, but it's nothing to get bent out of of shape over. Sounds like you are mostly at peace with it. It pings now and then, but over time, it's been reducing. That's the part the doesn't sound at peace. Why do...

BYE SPRING, HELLO SUMMER DH and I enjoyed yoga class. I had some yuck in my hip I was able to start moving out. After we went shopping for fancy food at the gourmet market to eat at home. We weren't really dressed for dining out so this was "dining out but in" for us. We were talking...

I agree there. At a certain point, it becomes "side convo." I'm not arguing which is harder -- her realization or StruggleBus feeling unheard. I'm saying it is ALL hard. No, it is NOT easy for StruggleBus to say that. But neither is it easy for StruggleBus to try to work on the marriage...

Even if she's struggling with her upbringing, realizing that she's polyamorous and she wants that now, unpacking whatever else, someone can genuinely realize they are polyamorous. That’s real. While “discovering” or “realizing” something about herself might explain some of her behaviors, it...

I'm sorry this happened. As far as I understand it, the agreement was a few dates for a vibes check, hook up for no-strings casual sex, and then end it. While she did not hook up in person, she did not end it. They started doing cybersex/phone sex/texting/swapping nudes. It is not platonic and...

What does that mean? Because if she's having people over for pizza and a movie, you helping to vac the living room or help set out plates and cups that she bought is one thing. You doing all her planning for her? That's something else. YKWIM? Galagirl

It's okay to say, "No, thanks. I don't want another roomie. You can find other ways to address your loneliness and other ways to help your FWB out," because she can. She can work on getting out and about and start getting to know more people. She can buy her FWB groceries once in a while, or...

Glad you blocked Fern on all the things. Be done with Fern. Rather than try to quell your anger, do you need Daisy to actually acknowledge your anger and the impact this all had on the (you + Daisy) relationship? Like actually face it with you, rather than avoid or stuff it under a rug? Do...

Personal ethics are personal. A person gets to decide where they lie. You don't think Fern abusing Daisy is a good enough reason for Daisy to dump Fern? All anyone needs to say to break up is, "I don't want to do this anymore." It doesn't have to go out to abuse/manipulation levels. Just say...

Who is "she" in that sentence? Daisy is across the pond, pays for nothing, insults you, etc.? Or is FERN doing those things to you? Is this a case of Fern abuses Daisy and then Daisy abuses you? I think you could stop prioritizing your "poly ideals" and prioritize safety, because this is not...

SHORT VERSION If you mean going on like this causes you great pain, I'm sorry. Please stop going on like this. Remove yourself from this situation. If you are thinking about suicide, please call a helpline or check into the hospital. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines...

I think you each will have your own experience of it, and you have to accept that different people have different experiences, even at the same event. You might find the rock concert awesome. I might find it a sensory nightmare. Still the same venue, same concert. I think what is sustainable...

I don't know if this helps you any. You don't have to do this much emotional labor. He's oversharing. It's one thing to mention people in his life briefly, but if he's making dates be [you sitting around listening to him go on and on about (him + her) problems] then that's not a fun date for...

I'm sorry all this is happening. It's hard to give feedback when your post is so sparse. Just some reflection questions to try to help you. Don't feel like you have to answer them all here. You do not have to answer any, just maybe think on some of them. Are you both using words the same way...

It's ok to cancel both of those and do a friend break up. Skip the long hugs and "I love you's" you don't really seem to want to do. Just a basic "Hi. I need to cancel our walks. I enjoyed getting to know you but this isn't really working for me. I wish you well." It's polite enough...

I don't know if this helps you any. To me, you seem to see clearly enough. Because you are anxiously attached, and have a handful of friends, this charming person entered your life and had you mesmerized for a while. Now he is moving on to chase "Friendship NRE" with someone else, and you see...