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You let him work it out with his counselor. There's a point where you let him do his own research and let him be responsible for his own learning. You could say "You could Google that." You don't have to do his research for him. He's the one who wants to change his belief/feel better. So...

How did you rush things too much? He agreed to open. You are not a mind reader. You can only go by the info given. He was dating and sharing sex on his side already/first, so what's wrong with you also exercising your option to date/share sex with other people? I think that you help him to...

What do you mean? Why do you have to "get over" it so fast? I know it doesn't feel great, but don't rush yourself through your process. Work with your counselor. She didn't use BC, and neither did he. Neither of them chose to hold to that agreement. There doesn't have to be deception for you...

QUICK NOTES AND BIG POPCORN DH continues to work on his wellness and his anxiety/depression meds help a lot. I can't remember when he last struggled with anxiety shaking in his hands. We've been out and about to more of our usual spaces and now also attend a new yoga studio together. The...

I'm telling her that this is big stuff and that it would be best to talk to a counselor. Internet people might be helpful with 1 or 2 things, but this is a lot of stuff. Family planning is highly personal. I also gave her some ideas to think about, and talk over with a counselor, just to get...

He just figured she'd be responsible for everything so he can skip his share of responsibilities? Whether or not a sex partner uses BC, he's still responsible for where he puts his sperm and his use of BC. He wasn't going to suggest a female condom if he didn't like male condoms? Or having Plan...

FWIW? These stuck out to me. There was some “lost” birth control and my husband also admitted that he had not been using condoms. As far as I know she is not dating anyone else and has not been with anyone else. So pretty positive. We do have one child and have been trying for another. So...

I don't know if this helps your research and thinking about things any. Could think about these possible scenarios. They may not all happen. You also don't have to answer anything online, but maybe think on this, just in case. You seem to want reflection prompts, so I'm offering some. Make of...

Why does breaking up scare you so much? It's normal in dating for people to break up sometimes. Some things work out and some do not. Some folks are long-term compatible and some are not. Can you articulate what about it scares you? GG

I don't know if this helps you from the caregiving angle, but my father has dementia and a WHOLE bunch of other mental health stuff. You think Louise can't deal with herself, even though she's doing her patient-management plan and attending weekly counseling? How did she make it work BEFORE...

I hope you feel a bit better for the vent. I read the whole thread. I'm just going to throw out ideas, okay? Some might stick to the wall and some might not. Make of it what you will. Maybe it helps give you other angles to think about. Why ludicrous? NRE lasts 6-24 mos. You and Steve are in...

While I'm sorry to hear about the break up, I think you did the right thing in not dragging it out and not accepting "last minute promises" designed to avoid the break up more than anything else. Desperation is not healthy. I'm glad you saw that. Honesty IS kinder in the long run. It's just...

I hope you feel better for talking it out some. I still think you'd benefit from an actual poly counselor. Suicide is SERIOUS. Talk to your health care people. You are grieving a recent death. You also seem kind of "people pleaser," and losing yourself in all that. You put everyone else...

"Passing through" to ask about dinner is not "talking to the meta" to me. They also seem to have separate parts of the house. OP doesn't intrude on Sue's date time. Sue could return the favor regardless of how they feel about Jane. OP, you could be kind but firm with Sue. Acknowledge her...

I meant it more as internal talk. I think as a means to cope with all this "whoosh," ComposerJ could firmly tell themselves, "No, this is just not necessary at this juncture. I am not going to suggest them meeting for at least 6-12 months," articulating their line in the sand to THEMSELVES. How...

I don't know if this helps you any. I think this. Sue is overreacting. If this has been poly for years, you can just decide how you poly date on your side. Sue doesn't have to "interview" your partners and "approve" them before you can online date them. She's overstepping with that, probably...

I normally encourage honesty, but all bets are off in this case. LIE, if you have to. Get your stuff. Bring a friend to help and witness any shenanigans. Make whatever "pretend nice," like you will come back to talk on [date] after you are settled at your new place. Lie about where you are...

I guess you could ask her what the feelings are behind these fantasies of hers. Fantasy is a safe way to approach things, but she could just masturbate and fantasize, right? Why do you have to participate? I suppose you could ask clarifying questions. Could she be attracted to women herself...

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief can be super-challenging to navigate. Honestly, if you two were monogamous before, this is Wife admitting that she was stepping out and cheating on the monogamous agreements, and now trying to "whitewash" it by waving the polyamory brush at it. Her timing for...

Gently... this did NOT start out as healthy polyamory. To me, it is not even polyamory at all. She started something up with you and got you hooked. Why would you agree to share sex with him when you don't even know him? That's not polyamory. That's them making it like you have to "pay" him...