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  1. graviton

    Am I Being Unreasonable?

    There really is no good reason other than an attempt to control him for him to report to you that "I'm about to have sex with ...." 1. is it required because he needs to ask permission first? 2. is it a way to suck the spontaneity and sexiness out of the situation? In other words a passive...
  2. graviton

    How do I even start to explain??

    My advice to you is to cool things a bit with this other friend, you are treading on dangerous territory with him. 1. many would consider your relationship with him as inappropriate and an emotional affair (especially hubby) 2. if you think you want to keep educating your hubby (not coercing...
  3. graviton

    Moved in with the married couple........

    I don't think its fair to say withholding affection is emotional abuse. Sometimes it's hard to give affection under emotionally charged circumstances.
  4. graviton

    Moved in with the married couple........

    You realize opinions are like assholes? Everyone has one and nobody thinks theirs stinks. You asked for advice on the internet. Of course you're going to hear things you don't like but I guarantee the advice was given in good faith based on life experiences. Really we all want to help as...
  5. graviton

    maybe he's a coyboy?? but I'm falling for someone. please help!

    Regardless of his initial intent the end result is that you have found yourself stuck in a monogamous relationship. Talk about pulling the rug out from under you. I would simply state I'm interested in dating others as was our original agreement and commence doing so. This is no different...
  6. graviton

    If I'm wrong, let me know

    No I don't claim to be a monogamy advocate. I just think its useful to remind her that in her current relationship configuration she is able to practice poly with women and her husband is not seeing anyone else. By all accounts it appears stable and has required very little emotional hardship...
  7. graviton

    If I'm wrong, let me know

    The same judgments you are making on "too much nre sex" and promiscuity are the same judgments that get leveled at polyamorous people in general. Who are you to decide what is "truly loving?". Yes there may be narcissism but I argue that all romantic relationships are narcissistic to some...
  8. graviton

    If I'm wrong, let me know

    I'm sure you well know that women hold the same view of ownership over their husbands. Society ingrains it into us from a very early age that marriage is ownership to some extent. obviously it is skewed more towards patriarchy but you can't deny that romantic relationships cause feelings of...
  9. graviton

    If I'm wrong, let me know

    I'm going to give you a different point of view You thus far have been able to explore your bisexuality with very little hurt feelings or drama in your relationship. You have been able to enjoy the best of all worlds, namely having both a male and female lover. It does not sound like your...
  10. graviton

    How to find a girlfriend for a couple without freaking her out?

    I can guess...its the same reason every couple wants a mff triad. Wife is bi or bicurious, her husband likes the idea of threesomes, neither partner is comfortable with the idea of the other getting all the sexy fun without being present so they decide to "share". The scary thing about the...
  11. graviton

    How much is too much?

    ummmmm ....its not your place to judge if he's excessive or greedy. It doesn't sound like he broke any rules. You even asked him to be discreet and when he was discreet you are still hurt. Your only rightful response is to tell him what behavior you wish for him to agree to in order to stay...
  12. graviton

    New to Poly Relationships, Looking for Advice

    its funny how such behavior is condoned and supported in society but the minute you enter nonmonogamy land it is unacceptable and childish.
  13. graviton

    New to Poly Relationships, Looking for Advice

    Yes. All too often when your metamour (M) breaks up with their significant other or finds that they have hit a slump in available candidates they will pressure their spouse (G) to go back to monogamy as a way to protect them from their feelings. So many people seem to only be able to handle...
  14. graviton

    loss of breath and heartbroken.new to open relationshi

    omg this guy takes the cake. He's as bad as the guy that's into starting a harem by impregnating young homely women. Ditch him pronto!
  15. graviton

    Need Help - Overwhelmed

    Sounds like this man has a double standard. He can date two women but you're cheating just by talking to two men. He needs to man up. Have an honest talk with him and gently remind him that you are in an open relationship and he can't expect to be the only one to enjoy that aspect of it. If...
  16. graviton

    New to Poly Relationships, Looking for Advice

    I'm hoping for the best for you brother. The thing that really sucks about this is that if it falls apart it will most likely destroy your friendship with them. plus the husband will not want you to see his wife anymore because of his insecurities about your feelings to each other. Even if...
  17. graviton

    New to Poly Relationships, Looking for Advice

    Good luck. I've been precisely where you are now and find myself filling with sadness and heartache because it all fell apart for me. Unfortunately my heart and that of my girlfriend was broken by her husband suddenly slamming the door shut due to jealousy. There are few things more...
  18. graviton

    Girlfriend of 6 years wants to have 1st child from “new”, other partner. What now?

    Part of the reward of raising a child is seeing your likeness in them. Obviously its not all of the reward...but its one of our most basic drives, to pass on our DNA. Marriage and couples were created for the express purpose of guaranteeing lineage. Few men are willing to raise someone elses...
  19. graviton

    How do you rebuild trust?

    Here is my take on it and my advice -bravo for not just vetoing her -I understand this hurts you -get over yourself and any sense of self righteousness, it won't help and will only make things worse This is your husbands first foray into poly and as such mistakes will be made. Sometimes...
  20. graviton

    Is veto power a form of abuse?

    I certainly fell into the first camp. I was going through so much horror in my life as a result of my wife cheating that my abusive behavior felt like an anchor for me to help control things. I didn't see what I had become until I stepped back and took an honest appraisal of myself. Most...
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