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Yes, happy to have comments. Yes, I see your point. But question - by 'believe' do you mean actually believe (conceptually, logically)? For instance, in the example above, in my mind I don't believe she shouldn't have male friends. When I think into why I am uncomfortable with it, the first...

If you want some background, here's my Intro thread: https://polyamory.com/threads/afraid-of-taking-the-leap-from-a-lt-mono-relationship.153695/ I've appreciated everyone's responses and support. I took a break from the forum around Thanksgiving, and have been mulling things over and focusing on...

Hi GalaGirl, sorry for the delay in reply. I took a vacation from all this - I know you would support that! Hmm... "protect the relationship" means "Think about what the ramifications will be on the relationship before moving forward." This is based on an assumption that the relationship is...

Hi, Thanks for the response and I am sorry I only saw it today! Can I just clarify - this seems like a poly success story. Am I reading it wrong? I think you are highlighting the fact that before you got to the success, it was very painful and took a long time. Just out of curiosity - was 1-7...

Okay, this is a very belated reply. What can I say? I needed to take a break. But thanks for your response. Yes, we have kids, 9 and 11. We made it through the early years (0-6) quite well. It's my impression that years 6-10 of parenting were when my wife started feelings less more frustrated...

Evie and magrey, Thanks and it's good to hear from a 42 year old who's been through it, as well as a fellow 41 year old who is loving it. My 40s are not turning out exactly how I expected in the relationship-department, but however things turn out, I'm going to make them meaningful and full of...

Well, just after I posted my last comment, saying I was taking a break, we had a pretty challenging but not dysfunctional conversation. I basically told her that I needed to know how serious of a problem our current setup was for her; because I keep getting my hopes up that it's not as 'bad' as...

Thanks, Icesong. Your input is helpful, and I have to remind myself that I can set those limits about what I'm able to tolerate. When it keeps coming back to her feeling "caged" in monogamy, it feels like any limit I put based on my own confort, even within a poly context, will still lead to a...

Thanks, Kevin! Sigh... you're basically telling me what I already knew, but needed to hear from others. The moving in part is actually pretty clear to me. There's no question, I'd just say nope. I actually don't think she's likely to want that either; she'd be more inclined to get a divorce. I...

I have started to accept that we are starting a new marriage. Unfortunately my wife seems to think it will be the same marriage. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. I actually think that, knowing my wife, if anyone is going to be more okay with FWB relationships, it might be her. She's...

Yes, we need to invest the time; however, we seem to be incapable of talking reasonably about this issue. It's almost the curse of getting along so well (overall) over 20 years - we don't have practice with big issues. We need to find a poly-friendly couples therapist and are soon to be working...

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! :) The day ended up being good; my kids celebrated me in a really sweet way, I couldn't help crying a bit about it. Then my wife made a great effort to give me a good day, and I really appreciated it. In the end, we got a bit stoned and had sex. The next...

Hi everyone, I want to thank you all for the comments, and please trust that I have either read them taken them in, or will come back and respond at some point. I'm in a place, right now (well, today), where the more I engage with the topic, the more all my negative feelings, fears...

Follow up - I am going to try to have as good a day as I can. The success or outcome or arrangement of my marriage does not have to define me or my life. I can have a good life, enjoy my life, and feel good about myself independent of the future of my relationship. I am going to try to remember...

I had a hard time titling this post - I hope I got the idea across. My wife recently came out as poly (see my other thread in Introductions for details). She says the type of relationship she is interested in is a FWB-like situation. I am not sure at what point that blurs into 'boyfriend'...

Hi all, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this; I've been writing a lot on my introductions thread, but needed to just express myself here. My wife came out as poly and now we're trying to figure out how to make it work. She thinks it will be simple, I think it will be fucking...

Can I ask a quick newbie question about that? To make it a V, are the legs of the V ONLY romantically involved with the hinge? Or could they also have involvement with other people, and still be part of the V? Yes, that would be really helpful - thanks. Yes, that's what I expected. I even said...

Wow, GalaGirl. You really hit the nail on the head several times here. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond; I've been feeling very alone and it feels like it is me "against" the entire Poly community (as interpreted through my wife, who is only looking at the good parts version, and I...

Also, to answer the question of why I said "Yes" to the open relationship. I thought about that, and I think it was because there's been a progression in my wife's feelings. First it was proposed not as polyamory but just sex with other people, to 'spark things up'. It was something we would be...

GalaGirl, Why yes, I did feel a bit better. Thanks! Thanks for your suggestions and perspective. We've talked about a number of these things, although I have not said so clearly "no". We tend to get stuck on (5) - she just doesn't feel like she's outsourcing unfulfilled needs to others. She...