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I'm sorry I didn't see this post like, a month ago. With regard to your friend, I'd have a lot of questions and she'd have to be comfortable enough to be asked them, to honestly want to answer them. First of all, for some of us, size matters but not in the way that many men seem to think or...

Colorado in May and the weather is crap. Cold, cloudy, ice, rain, snow. Ugh. I come in from my break wearing my winter coat and change into my hoodie that I keep at my desk. I feel like I'm channeling a bit of Mr. Rogers every time I do this. I'm happy to say that I am doing the thing of...

Addendum to also note with regard to what I said in my last post. I'm talking more about what sort of thing I might want to do. I am not talking about what either Zen or myself is "allowed" to do. And what limits I think I might want in place, are me speaking for me, and the few where I said...

I'm working on it. Having a good place to unwind my thoughts (here) is helpful. We went to a "Midweek Party" at the club last night. Neither the younger woman that had Zen all excited, nor the older lady who has caught my interest, were there. But Fire was, and I had thought to bring my fire...

I am attracted to whatever I can connect with in talking and interacting with people. I admit that I've probably had more fulfilling connection-via-conversation from older people, but it occasionally happens with younger ones also, and more often with younger women than younger men. If we...

That is true, and I think that Zen and I are well aware that it is. Zen and I just got back from Phoenix. It was a good trip. We went to a BDSM club down there and did a bit of networking. I was impressed with the sheer amount of space they had to work with compared to my home dungeon, and...

Well, Leetah, Zen is trying. He loves me a lot and wants to give me what I need and I think we just had some confusion between us about what, perhaps, that looked like. I think he's relaxing a bit now because I told him I don't want him walking on eggshells, we're doing a lot of talking. One...

I want to try and get a thought down, but I don't have a ton of time. I will likely revisit it later. Zen feels VERY guilty for the play he got up to at the club that I walked in on, when we hadn't negotiated it. This is the main thing he feels guilt over, though for me it wasn't really that...

I'm posting from my phone so I'm not going to write a long thing, but Zen and I are OK. We're talking and negotiating and it's going to be alright with us. Also, I'm going to do a dinner with Hefe and Fire tomorrow and then Zen and I are going to Phoenix for about 6 days, so we'll have time to...

LOL I guess if nothing else, I've figured out where a line is. Walking in on him violating our agreement...I felt alright, and we could talk and work through that. Having him suddenly decide that we could open up our relationship, after I closed myself off to others and centered my sexual...

Thank you Leetah. I don't feel like I know what, if anything, I deserve anymore.

And another thought, (don't care, it's MY blog) is... I wonder if he thinks that other people tell me I'm hot all the time? That I get lots of attention on Fetlife or anything like that? I really don't. The only comment on my pictures in months, was a painting I did of the TARDIS, some rando...

OK I wasn't going to do any more of this... But dammit, I'm having a bad day. I'm falling the fuck apart. I can't believe I made myself so fucking vulnerable, invested, let myself believe in the fairy tale. I have now been told by Zen a few times, when trying to express that I just need...

So on a much lighter note... The convention went pretty well. I didn't find Zen's friend to be too insufferable, I still don't see wanting to be besties with him or anything but since a huge reason I didn't want to be friends with him before, was where I was at in divorce-recovery, and where...

LOL Angelina!! You know sometimes, that little spork right there is a pretty good illustration of how I feel about life! So Zen's been talking with the gal he played with at the party and more activities are on the radar involving both of us at future things. I reminded him that I have the...

Zen and I did quite a bit of talking last night. Both the things that were said, and the fact that we felt comfortable saying them to one another, made us feel super bonded and very happy with where we were at. I can think of a couple of items I want to revisit, but they are not conflict so...

Oh, certainly. And in partner choice, I definitely agree with you that it's good to understand what your partner means by things. I guess my thought was more in context of a community's use of language, where there are a lot of people applying interpretations, so the need to explain things...

I don't agree; I don't think that the word or concept of "love" is cheapened by over use. But you aren't alone in this thought, I've encountered it before, for sure. I think we are already at a place where "love" does not mean the same thing in different contexts and most people use it...

Oh and another thing that happened over the weekend which was heckin' great... I got to go hiking with Fire and her girlfriend and another woman from the scene. Four of us, girl time, hell yes. Somehow despite being a smoker, I held my own, and I'm working on breaking in some new hiking boots...

Tinwen nailed it, and Fallen Angelina is correct also. ref2018 is sort of right. My main thing is, I'm not sure if we were both understanding our "agreement" as being the same thing, so we need to talk about that and make sure we're clear. We came together as one experienced poly woman with...