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It seems to me this is a risk with any idea or principle or outlook. In fact, I'm hard pressed to think of a single human idea that could not be or has not been used by someone, at some point, as a pretext or an excuse for acting like a jerk. That includes 'polyamory', as we see demonstrated...

I'm intrigued by the idea of 'relationship anarchy' and the ways in which it seems to converge with and diverge from 'polyamory'. In searching the forum, I have not found a focused discussion of the idea, so I thought I'd try to get one started. Is anyone else familiar with the idea of...

Thanks, Indie, as always. I agree that "at ease" might be a better term for my state of mind, just now. It's a new experience for me in my relationships with other people . . . perhaps especially in my relationships with women I find attractive. Sheesh, talk about a late bloomer! So, I met...

Relationship anarchy! I like that. I'd been trying to come up with a term for this idea, myself. I may step on some toes with this - apologies in advance! - but I've been thinking of drawing from a half-remembered second-hand knowledge of radical theories about identity by coining the term...

I wasn't thinking "fwb" or "nsa" or, heaven forbid, "random women" . . . just different degrees and kinds of friendship and affection and companionship. For me, at least, dropping narrow categories and their expectations has made it more possible to be poly and yet sane. Not entirely possible...

I know what you mean about being overcommitted: on top of working and being married and having two children growing into and through their teens, Vix and I spend a lot of time on our shared avocation, which involves time with various portions of a big and diverse community. Vix doesn't have a...

Okay, See? An odd turn of events, this past week. It has been worrying me a bit that I have been investing so much of myself in my friendship with Metis. It just seems to put too much of a burden on her to be the only other person besides Vix in whom I can confide. She's very busy, and has...

It's unclear what "simultaneously" means here. It might mean group sex-- a specific set of acts in which all three participate together. As noted, that need not be the case in a poly relationship. Or it might mean that Jade is a sexual partner to each the two brothers in the same general time...

Allegory of the Smart Phone So, I saw a young woman walking down the sidewalk in town, today, absorbed in a text conversation on her smart phone. Because I've seen it happen before, and because I've seen statistics about the increasing number of ER visits resulting from distracted walking, I...

Both of you might benefit from reading more widely on the forum. In reply to what you write here, I would say you might look into what is here called NRE, "new relationship energy," which is a term for the way people tend to get twitterpated at the prospect or the reality of something NEW. It...

Okay, here's one big red flag! Your daughter is 12-weeks old? As a parent of two girls, I know how all-consuming infants can be. It seems . . . over-hasty for him to want to "add" someone else to your lives when, really, you've just added someone! The key phrase: "He just decided" because he...

Welcome to the forum. You should read around a bit - it may be you can learn a lot from the experiences of others, already recorded here. Could you clarify a few things? - You say your wife "confessed she wants more." How much did you talk about what "more" might look like? Did you actually...

Yeah, that's fairly explicit in The Symposium and in Phaedrus and . . . It's not quite right to attribute pederasty - which would be the technical term for it, I suppose ('erastes' = 'lover') - to "the Greeks" in general. It was more of an Athenian thing. Aristotle, who grew up in Macedonia...

This is in danger of becoming a digression, so I'll just make a couple of points in reply then back away, slowly. It's funny, but my concerns about "thingification" of abstract concepts really began by thinking about how people use and misuse the term, "the environment" . . . a term that can...

Weird Friendship So, speaking of weird friendship, here's one episode in the increasingly idiosyncratic way in which Metis and I relate to one another. I've mentioned several times my intention to attend a festival in another state, last month, with my two daughters. Metis was going to the...

Part of what I see going on here is that the way the problem is framed involves a false dichotomy: either you have success in "dating" and "romance" as conventionally conceived, or you end up puttering around alone for the next forty or sixty years until you die. The world is so much wider than...

Okay, this may be a thought from way out in left field, but there seems to be something odd going on with the term, 'relationship' here. It seems to me that people have "thingified" relationships, maybe as an accident of grammar: "She and I have a relationship," as though the relationship is...

Further Postscript I couldn't get back to sleep. The mental imagery was a little hard to deal with, but would not in itself have kept me from sleeping. The problem, again, is a structural problem with the house: the office/guest room is just across the hall from the bedroom Vix and I share...

Vix's Boys, postscript P.S. I went to bed after my last post, but woke up two hours later. I'd left Vix and our houseguest talking in the other room but, when I woke up again, just now, it was clear they'd retired together to the guest room. Vix came out a few minutes ago to get something...

Vix's Boys Vix has long had a pattern of collecting odd boys. I know, I know. That's a crude and rude way of putting it, but let me hasten to clarify: she is drawn to and often establishes affectionate friendships with guys who are geeky, damaged, or both. Doc is actually a prime example of...