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I didn't quite get your post. Are you breaking up with both dh and gf? That seems a bit rash. Generally, the "relationship broken, add more people" approach doesn't work. Who would want to get involved with you if have a job description ready for them: "Fulfill my needs A, B and C, because my...

I have gained 22 pounds extra after starting on my meds. I try to lose some of that weight through yoga and weights, and am considering joining a gym for more varied work-outs. I try to eat five meals a day, and watch out for portion size.

Yes, different messaging habits are irritating. Like I almost always answer right away, even if I'm busy. I did the 5 love languages test and found out my love language is physical touch. And that's so true! I often reach out and touch people I love. The biggest hurdle in most relationships I...

Changing needs and priorities Vanilla and Pistachio are in the process of changing their relationship dynamics from primary to secondary, with him eventually moving out. This might take a full year, though. It will mean that both me and Vanilla lack a primary while dating each other in a...

Is there specific reason why you haven't met his friends and family yet? Do they know about you?

There is a world of difference in saying "I feel insecure, so you need to stop doing what you are doing so I can work on my insecurities", and saying "I feel insecure, but that's about me and my issue to work on, but I need you to be patient with me while I'm on this journey."

Relationship skills: Security and Self-soothing These two are the relationship skills I am practicing right now. Mainly in my relationship with Vanilla, whatever form that will take. With the security issue, I've gained a lot of insight from Franklin Veaux's article Becoming Secure...

I agree with NYCindie. Your partner is a very unstable, unhealthy individual. I am amazed you haven't figured this out already.

What would you do? Set him up for dates? Make sure he has satisfying sexual encounters with other women? There's nothing much you can do. Sometimes, things take their time. Many poly peeps go on a lot of dates before they find partners. How do you think the playing field is unequal?

Insecurity I feel insecure sometimes. I see that your biggest worry is that you will be replaced as a (sexual) partner by your gf. Ask yourself how likely that is. Is your husband with you just because he hasn't found anyone else, or are you special to him? Sometimes you need to fake it to...

I used to be in a primary relationship with my gf, Vanilla. Now she has found another primary during the time we weren't dating. I feel very unsure about my place in her life, especially since us dating again is so new. I think her not wanting to meet you is a minor red flag, but I don't have...

I especially like to play In Nomine, Pendragon and World of Darkness games

Back to poly: a full circle As it happens, I'm back at poly after a year of singlehood. And as it happens, I'm back together again with my partners from 2011, namely Vanilla and MoonlightRunner. At the moment I'm flying solo, and don't have the need to have a primary. Vanilla lives together...

There and back again It's been a while since my last post here, but don't think I've forgotten you guys! In the meanwhile I've been diagnosed with bipolar type 1. I guess there are worse diagnoses. I'll probably not be updating terribly often, since at the moment I'm single and dreaming of a...

My sponsor on facing the rainy days "The journey is mine. I empower myself as a woman and as a spiritual being. No matter who I am." "If I listen rightly to my inner workings, in time, my spirit will speak the truth." "I must stop believing all those past reviews, irrespective from whom they...

I love Botticelli too Welcome! You are definitely not alone. Do a search on triads and threesomes and you'll see. First order of business - you need to permanently disengage from all sexual behaviours you are not comfortable with. Trust me, it will save you years of therapy. The primary lady...

what my friend told me this morning I can participate in other peoples lives but I don't have to go and save them. A little nudge there, a thought here. If they choose to continue being self - destructive, no amount of tea in China is going to save them from their own destruction. It's...

Sorry to hear about your break up. Remember that this need not be the end, it can be a well deserved break.

night musings I agree, lfag! I can't sleepzzz and am a little overwrought. I'm so glad I have this blog and this forum. I have been thinking a lot about marriage and what it means to me. And how I go about things related to marriage and commitment. I don't have a lot of good rolemodels when...

Thanks for the response! I have a score of hard to manage mental conditions atm, but I been told that they should lessen considerably or disappear entirely after two years. Another related question; do you think there are some diagnosis that are fads, I.e.suddenly everybody has them? I've...